Washington, DC

I gave my official no about relocating to Washington, DC today. If you haven't heard about it yet, my company decided to close down Vancouver office, or at least shrink it to a size of ~30 people. Most people are given the chance to relocate to Washington, DC where our head office is or become jobless after certain date. Before we need to make the decision, my company flew us all over for a scouting trip. Hence two weeks ago, I was in Washington DC. I got to see the head office and meet my new teammates and new manager. I wasn't really planning to move before I went on the trip. But after the talk with the manager, it sound like very exciting opportunity. My responsibility will be much bigger and I may even have a chance to go to Beijing. So I was all exciting and ready to move there. Of course there is concern about my friends and family, but the opportunity sound too good to pass. After I gave more thought to it, I finally decide to stay in Vancouver and look for another job instead. I know this is a good career advancement, but then I don't want work to take part more in my life than it already has. With this new job, I can foresee that I would spend even more time working than I already am. It would be very stressful and time-consuming. I remember sitting in for my manager while he is on vacation almost kill me. I am not sure I am ready to handle that with no foreseeable end date. And all my friends and family are here. I know I could always make new friends. But do I really want to work all day and go home with no one I can talk to and hang out with. I feel so sad just imagining that. I may end up crying every night. And my parents will be all alone in Vancouver. We have no relatives and my brother is in Hong Kong. Even though I don't live with them, I feel more comfortable just be in Vancouver in case they need me. Moreover, I am more involved with my church next year. I am helping out in the teen fellowship next year. Also, during the Panama trip, my pastor talked about his vision on our church and the English ministry. There is a lot of exciting changes and I know I want to be part of it. So, I decided Vancouver is where I want to be at this moment. So, sorry people if you have been waiting for me to leave. May be some other times. :P

Panama

Due to a lot hatred comment on my blog for absent of posting, I figure I should write something about my first missionary trip. Looking from the pictures, we looked like we are staying in luxury hotel and just having fun and we were. It is not the usual mission trip that people have in mind, like going into remote places and helping them to improve living environment. It is none of that. This trip is to help out in an English camp and most of the kids who came are sort of well off cause the camp is kind of expensive to their living standard. But we didn't get to just sit around and have fun. In fact, the camp is so unorganized that makes a lot of us very frustrated and stressed. Things keep changing last minute. And it was very draining mentally too cause we have to be with our kids 24/7. And yet, I think the experience touched each and every one of us in different way. I never experience lives or see lives this way before. May be some of the kids' families are pretty well off, but it is not like they got spoiled and just sat around do nothing. I am the spoiled one. A lot of them have to help in family business when they get off school. One of my girls spent all her free time working. She doesn't get to hang out with friends at all. The camp is her only social life. A lot of them have more burden than I ever see. Broken relationship, death, threat. One of the girl's bf die when she was in the camp. And a lot of the kids actually know him too. Another girl got stalked by her gangster ex-bf in the camp and he threaten to kill one of the girl in my class. Some of them got mislead to work in Panama and thinking that they are going to the state. Now they have to work to pay off the debt for sponsoring them over. To them, coming to Canada/US is a paradise. A lot of them are just looking for love and friendship in the camp which they don't find in their own home. They experienced way more than I ever when I was 16. It is not something we watch from TV. It is life that I never see before. They sadden me. At first I was very nervous to meet them cause I never work with kids before. And the fact that you have to bond with them and get them open up seem like an impossible job. I am very glad things work out. I met a lot of friends, though they are way way younger than me. I enjoyed their company a lot and they would really open up to you. I also met good friends from the short mission members too, despite they keep picking on me. I also get to know people from my church better. I never hang out with the younger group. Through this trip, I am glad I get to know more of them. Last but not least, I have never been this focus on God before. This trip really help me focus and experience His presence. I know I always say serving Him, but I know deep down I basically take up the job because nobody feel like doing it. It is a job focus, not God focus. But this trip, really help me to put the perspective on Him and see how His work is done. I know He touched each and every one of us in different way. There was a calling during the call for full time ministry. I did sign for that. I didn't know it was full time ministry till later. I was a bit scared of what I got myself into. But now I know if that is what my calling for and thru me, God can do His work. I am willing to take up the work. This was a very meaningful trip for me and I sure hope someday I could be back.

Wine Tasting

I can't believe last time I updated my blog was a month ago. Anyway, I went to a wine release party with my friends tonight. It is hosted by the Naramata Bench. My friends and I went to Naramata last year and we had lots of fun. When we heard about the wineries are hosting a party, we decided to get ticket together. It was a party with food, wine and fashion show. Some of the very famous restaurants have a booth there. Eg. C, Lumiere, Cin Cin. It is not a full course meal though. Each of them served a dish of hors d'overs. There is lamb, foie gras brulée, cheese, duck pate, duck breast and even suckling pig. It is pretty yummy. And there sure is a lot of wines for tasting. I tried couple of them but didn't try it all cause I need to drive home still. I had a good pear wine from Spiller Estate. I even like it better than the Elephant Island (a winery I spent a lot of money on last year). I don't really like the red that I tried though. Usually the BC red wine has a very young red taste that I don't like. I didn't pay much attention to the fashion show. I was too busy lining up for the suckling pig then :P. We end the evening with fries and frosty from Wendy's. It was a pretty fun evening though the food went out too soon. Next time, I am definitely eating all the food before any tasting.

Cherry Blossoms

When I was leaving work today, I saw the cherry blossoms bloomed along Marine Drive. I was so excited. I am not a huge fan of cherry blossoms, but it sure is beautiful. And it also meant spring will be coming soon (and I am a big fan of warm weather!) despite the horrible weather last two days (snowing in March! If it is in June, Chinese would say there must be an innocent person put on trial.) Then I remember I didn't see it on my way driving to work this morning. Do they just bloom all a sudden in an afternoon? I don't remember what I saw at all this morning. It was snowing heavily. And cherry blossoms are supposed to bloom in warm weather. So it was weird that they bloomed after a morning of snow and just an afternoon of sunshine. But I don't like the idea of me driving and not remember a thing along the way more. So I stick with the idea that it just happen secretly while I worked hard at work. On a side note, my friend is going to take her pre-wedding photo while cherry blossoms bloomed. (Chinese would go to a studio to take posed photo, indoor and outdoor, wearing wedding gowns before the actual wedding and show the pictures during wedding banquet.) I was very happy when I remembered that today. She really really hate being cold. And cherry blossoms bloomed while it is still snowing mean that she will be taking photo (hehehe..those wedding gowns are not particular warm) in extremely cold weather. Boy, I can see her smiling happily in those photo. Wahahaha!

Deep Thinking

I should stop skipping work, I think. Seem like everytime I took days off, I came back with a 2 hour meeting waiting. That happen last Friday and today. They even make the meeting more "exciting" by scheduling it during lunch time. And no one knows if we are getting fed or not. I think people don't remember if you try to lure people into meeting, especial during lunch time, you have to prepare food. I was planning to order pizza anyway if we don't get fed in the meeting. I don't want to walk out to grab lunch in this crappy weather. Anyway, as much "fun" as the meeting is, I actually surprisingly didn't fall asleep. I felt sorry for napping last Friday cause it was vaguely interesting meeting, but you can't escape food coma. But today, I was pretty impressed with myself. May be I was too concentrated on the thought that when would I get fed. Of course I got bored. I was a bit upset that I don't have any document to read or I would have make the time more useful. Without anything to do, I start turning around and looking at people. It entertained me quite a bit. A friend who I know always fell asleep in meeting actually pretty awake, though looked bored. But I saw another friend closed his eyes (though he claimed later that he was just closing the eyes and resting). A lot of people in the 'deep thinking' mode. Another friend actually stood up and then sat down again in the middle of meeting and we all thought he made an effort to leave but failed. Turned out he wanted to ask questions. I was so mad he asked question (cause he lengthened the meeting) and actually yelled his name out quietly (hopefully not much people can hear that :P). I spent most of the second half meeting stared at people and I ended up pretty awake when it ended. Next time at company meeting, I am definitely doing the same thing!

Operation

I don't remember when is the last time I went to a hospital, probably when my grandma did her heart surgery, which was long time ago. We went to the hospital today because my mom is having an operation. All I have to say is that TV deceived us all. I didn't even get to see the surgeon today. Well, we met her and talked to her several times before in her office. But today, no sign of her. Well, at least down in the waiting area. My mom did see her when she went to the operation room. But in TV show, you always see the relatives waiting outside the operation room, waiting for that "operation in progress" light to turn off, then they run up to the surgeon and ask. The surgeon will say 'congratulation, the surgery went well' or 'sorry, we try our best', saying of that sort. But nothing today! My dad and I sat in the waiting room the whole times, just waiting. Only people we saw today were nurses. They told us when the surgery starts and around when my mom would come back. And if we want to leave, they can call my cell phone when she is back. That is. No staring at the light anxiously. No doctor coming right out from the operation room saying anything. When they pushed my mom back to the ward, the nurse just told us how to take care of her wound next while. So when people asked me how it goes, I can only say, "I think it went well, I think." Never trust TV! They lie!

Tick Tock

First thing I am not used staying over at my parents' is my brother's stupid clock. I forgot that I am not used to having a clock besides me. So the whole night I could hear its 'tick tock'-ing besides me. It drove me mad! To make it worse, my mom gave me another one because the one my brother had doesn't ring anymore. So I have two alarm clock and they don't even 'tick tock' simultaneously. So I don't even have a pattern to get used to sleep. I was so mad that the whole night I kept reminding myself I have to bring my radio clock over. I don't think I have much sleep last night. So I brought my radio clock and my parents' has the weirdest radio reception. If I put the radio clock higher, it receives a different station than if I put it lower. Sort of like how those old cell phone, you have to jump up and down, bend your knee, hide in a corner to get good reception. I finally find a spot that it received the station I am used to wake up from. It is sort of hanging over the bedframe. That is the only spot that I can find close enough to the bed and have reception. Now I feel more settle down.

Moved (again)

Moved back to my parents' today. That is right. I am needed at my parents' so I moved back temporarily, probably for a month or so. I actually end up packing more stuff than I expected. I have a duffel bag, two backpacks and some paper bags. I didn't bring that much clothes. I just had lots of junks with me, my laptop, my cleansing products, my books, my DVD's, my climbing gears (hehe...you have to be prepared for everything), my gym clothes, my cooking class material, etc. After I packed and moved everything out of my place, I started doing some major cleaning (partly because I was making tart yesterday and made a mess of my place). I wasn't sure if I should do the cleaning when I get back, or clean now and gets dusty again in a month. But I really can't stand the stickiness on the floor and the buttery smell in the air. After I finished cleaning, all I really want to sit and enjoy. But I have to move my stuff now. I felt so sad leaving my place I almost cried when I left. I know my house must feel lonely by itself. Now moving back to parents is definitely interesting. I haven't lived with my parents for two years now. It would definitely need some adjusting. One thing I notice right away it is definitely colder than my place. I was hiding under my blanket the whole night while playing my laptop. And the drive to work, that is going to suck! Definitely a lot of adjustment.

SENT!

Sometimes the 'recall' function could be useful, if it works. On Friday I got an email from random customer asking about some testing tool that my company used. I was quite surprised to get that email at first cause I don't usually get external email from customer. As I scroll down the email, I saw he originally sent to my manager who is in the office this week and has my email address in his away message. I don't know how to deal this so I asked another friend. He told me to try to get a hold of my manager first (who does check email occasionally). So I forward that email and add a comment saying "What the hell you want me to do with this" and some swearing for putting my name in his away message (You can't really blame me to be rude to my manager, for all this week, he kept telling me how much fun he is having and how much beer/whisky he has been drinking while I was working like crazy!) But then I change my mind and just write "What should I do with this?" and send the email. The moment I clicked 'sent', I realized that I didn't forward the email. I REPLIED! I was in so much shock that I did that! After sooo many years working in technology industry and I HIT THE WRONG BUTTON FOR EMAIL!!!! Now I am so glad that I didn't write the rude version of the email. And it was too late to recall the email. I immediately write an email to the customer to apologize, trying to explain that I wasn't being rude. I just hit the wrong button. It is good that he understands. I felt so dumb and embarrassed now. There is a good reason that I don't deal with customers. I almost want to call it a day cause I figure I must be too tired to make such a stupid mistake. I want to cry!!!

Helpless

I have been hearing a lot of sad news from my friends lately. I kept hearing news about death and sickness. When I heard that, I felt very helpless. I don't know what I could do to help. Of course I would try to comfort my friends. Except those words, I really don't know what else to do. The first thing came to mind that I could offer to help is to pray for them and their family. I would usually keep that in my mind so I would remember to pray next time. But I rarely mention to my friends that I am doing so. I felt a bit awkward to mention it, especially to my non-Christian friends. Sound like I was doing them a favor. And I don't want them to feel that I am imposing my religion to them. But something happen recently and I asked my friends to pray for my family. And I found that knowing my friends are praying for me gave me a sense of comfort. Even my friend who no longer goes to church said would pray for me. I was touched to know that there are people who care about my family even though they never met them. People are willing to pray for people that they don't even know. They gave me strength to stay strong. So I think telling my friends that I would pray for them during their devastated period, though they may not believe God, would show them that I do care too. And hopefully could still give them a sense of comfort.

Weather Forecast Power

I think I had one of those magical ankles that can forecast the weather. Today after lunch, my ankle felt so sore that I thought I injured it again somehow. But since I have been a pig lately, there is no way I could have injured it from walking. Then I started thinking may be I ate too many shrimp in dim sum today and my ankle having a bad reaction. But I can't be having shrimp overdose. Cause if there is such a thing, one of my friends would probably die from it first. Whenever we went for dim sum, all he can think of is shrimp, shrimp and shrimp. My only conclusion is my ankle saying that it would be raining soon. But it was nice and sunny this morning and I almost thought spring is here (though it is still a bit chilly outside) My friends always said I have to take good care of my injured ankle or it would be sore whenever weather changed. I know from yoga that my ankle wasn't 100% still even though it has been almost a year now. But seem like it develops this weather forecast power. I don't know if I like it or not. Cause if I felt my ankle that sore yesterday, I wouldn't have washed my car. The forecasting power seem a bit slow in that sense. And the ankle isn't very painful, but sore inside that makes it a bit annoying. Hopefully by ultimate season started, it will be all fine.

Death of a Sandwich

This is a very sad story. So sad that every time I told it, I almost had tear in my eyes. It happen during lunch time today. Since my afternoon was packed with meeting, we decided to go for a quick lunch. As usual, quick lunch mean sandwich from the sub. As I was happily walking back to work, the paper bag holding my sandwich decided to split into two. And my sandwich DROPPED!!!! It was not even on the ground but on the mud!! And it is an avocado shrimp sandwich. So there is mayo and all sort of messiness. And now they are all lying on the ground sadly. I was so shocked that I was technically screaming "my sandwich, my sandwich". Of course there were people walking around us but I ignored them cause I was traumatized. To emphasize the seriousness of the situation, an avocado shrimp sandwich from deli is not a regular sandwich. It is a freshly made sandwich. So you actually have to line up in a separate line and take extra effort for it. And now it is GONE! And I can't even apply the 3 second rule cause it is in the mud not ground. I don't like dirt in my food. Eating dirt was never my thing, not even when I was a kid. I now can only mourn about my sandwich and then walked back to the office and eat my instant noodle. I was so upset that for a second I was planning to make my afternoon interview with the coop so miserable that he would run out here with tear.

Food from Class

This is the salmon rillette that I made on the weekend to practice what I learn in last week's class so I won't forget. There should have another layer of sour cream on top, but I was being cheap and don't want waste money on something I don't eat. The taste wasn't too bad (My dad who doesn't eat fish finish the whole thing so I assume it taste fine). For this week, we made focaccia bread, chicken under a brick, goat cheese salad and basmati rice pilaf. It was pretty interesting. I never made a bread dough before so it was kind of scary that it got stickier and stickier when you knead the dough. Fortunately one of the girls in my group is actually a pastry student. So she knew all the trick to work with dough. The chicken is pretty tasty too. But I don't think I would do that dish in my house. When we pan fried the chicken, there was a lot of fire coming from the stove that I was kind of freaking out. That happened to me one time at my parents' old house. I tried to heat the oil and eventually it became so hot that it turn into big fire. I dropped the wok on the floor and screamed so my brother came into rescue. Ever since that, my mom's kitchen floor had a burnt mark to remind her of my crime. If I were to do this dish at home, may be I would just throw the whole chicken in the oven. So no fire can come out anywhere and burn down my place.

Interview

My evil manager decided to delegate more work to me and made me and another friend to go thru the whole process of hiring the new coop. At first we thought he meant we would assist him. So we skim thru the pile of resume and make comment on each of them. But he wanted us to pick some to come interview. So two of us sat down and read each resume more seriously and discussed our view on the person. After 1.5 hour later (we were very serious about this!), we picked our candidates (of course we complained there is no picture attached or the process will go faster :P). We thought that was the end of our involvement in the hiring process. Now my manager wanted us to do the interview too. Either of us has done an interview before. And my manager ain't going to even meet the person. He will just based the hiring on our comment. Now we are both a bit nervous. We are getting a list of questions that HR has so we can prepare more what to do. Apparently the other development team has a standard assessment test that we could use too. The embarrassing thing is that when I skim thru it, my first reaction is that I wonder I could get an answer key too cause I don't know some of the answers. I don't know if it is fair to give a test that I can't even do it off my head. We decided to meet up next week before the interview process started to discuss how we are going to do the interview. It would be funny if we are more nervous than the interviewer.

Why?

Why does God let bad things happen? This was the topic of my last week Sunday school. I know there is no answer to this. Not that we know of at least. We can always explain that God must have a plan and just that we didn't know. But I always think that was because it didn't involve people we know. Now we can sit around the TV on our couch and comment because we were not personally involved. If it was my parents or my friends over in Asia when the tsunami happened, I don't think any explanation will stop me from blaming God. I can't see why I won't be angry with Him. I know when we said we have to have faith doesn't mean we don't care. But for the people whose family or friends were lost, no word can comfort them. I can imagine if that happen to my family, I would be so mad at God that I think I will walk away. What is the point to be faithful if He took away the people I love the most. I know being a Christian doesn't mean my life would be trouble-free. I will live happily ever after. But if He knows those are the people that I love so much and still take them away, I don't think I could forgive God. How could I even tell myself that He has a plan and his plan is good and that involve taking away people I loved. My pastor said God would never put burden on us that we can't carry thru. When we were in trouble, God knows that we can get thru it. He will not give me more than I could handle. I will have strength and ability to handle the situation if that happen. I only hope my pastor is right about that.

恭喜發財

I guess since I didn't have a good start in New Year, I was doomed to have a bad start in Chinese New Year as well. So I was supposed to meet up with my parents for lunch today. Since it is first day of Chinese New Year, all the vegetarian restaurant for sure would be full (It is tradition that we eat vegetarian dishes on the first day of New Year). And we once again forgot to make reservation so we changed to go to Yaohan food court instead. We must be mad to decide to go to Chinese mall on Chinese New Year. Cause it was packed! And holiday always brings out the worst of people. When I was waiting for a parking spot, somebody pissed me off so badly that I almost went to beat him up. So I was waiting in a lane for an open spot. A couple walked by and I signaled immediately. Unfortunately, a van on the other side signaled the same time as me. I figured since they have kids and whole family, I would be nice and gave up the spot. And then another lady walk to the spot behind me. So I signaled again. Another car behind me wanted to signal but saw me and left, but the stupid car behind him signaled for the same spot. I was so mad. I was trying to back up more for the car to pull out. Now he stupidly parked behind me so I couldn't move. I figured I can't sit there forever and make that lady sit with us. I would move my car forward and still signal. If he took my spot, I am going out to beat him out. When he saw me move my car, he immediately move his car right behind me. I have no way to take that spot now. What the!!! NOW I AM FURIOUS! I was swearing furiously in my car. I decided I will wait till he park and go out to yell at him. Then I saw a car in front of me pulling out and no one waiting. I took that spot and don't feel like yelling at him again. When I sat down for lunch, I was still shaking from being pissed at that stupid driver! I was never so upset about parking. But I guess losing spot twice make me lost control.

PS. On a side note, I got a very nice backpack today and very good deal. It has some hidden feature that I didn't notice when I bought it. So I am very happy now.

PS. Oh, and Happy Chinese New Year to you all!

Saving

I would never ever list my expenses again. Not only now I felt depress about paying all those bills, I now also feel stress about how to save money. With all my utility and mortgage, I don't have much left. Even if I want to save a tiny amount, I have to really control my spending. I got so stressful even just thinking about it. I am thinking about area that I want to cut. One person doesn't really need to watch that many channels. And since I only watch couple hours a day anyway, I really should consider cutting it down and just have basic cable. It would save me tons there. And my coffee and lunch money. I am not sure I am ready to give it all up entirely. But may be I could limit myself on each day spending. I am also very tempted to give up my tithing. That is a fair amount that I could put good use to. I know it is like stealing from God, but that amount really makes such a difference. I don't know if that mean I am lack of faith. I should just take that step of faith and give and trust that God will provide enough for me. And I know it is not a life-and-death situation that I need those money for, but I really want some liquidity asset. I know that is not a good reason to stop tithing. And I know tithing should be from the heart and not an obligation. How come I still feel bad about cutting that then?!

Electricity Disappeared

My BC Hydro bill last night arrived last night and shocked me quite a bit. I thought I opened up my neighbor's mail or something. It was double of what I usually pay. I thought may be this time they charge for longer period. But it is the usual two months. Then I tried to remember did I actually pay more in the winter last year cause you usually would turn on the heat. But I turned off my heat ever since I moved in. I don't even know if it worked at all. And a good thing about the BC Hydro bill is that they have a little chart on the side compared your current bill with last several period. And it showed that my usage was TRIPLE than what I usually use. I can't imagine how that happen. If I live in a house, may be someone is stealing my electricity. But I live in an apartment. How the heck is that possible?! The only thing I could think of is I baked more during that two months period. But it was only 3-4 days and it can't triple of what I usually use. So I called today to understand what happen. The lady answering the phone was extremely helpful. I explained my situation and she agreed that this is weird. So she just reverted back my bill to the usual usage without further question. This is the least hassle phone call I ever made to get my money back. Now if stupid Fido understand what I meant by canceling my brother's cell phone and giving me back my $2, I would be so much happier.

Chopping

I went to my first cooking class tonight. It went pretty well. I was a bit scared at first cause I don't really like cooking with strangers. I was a bit stress out about people looking over my shoulder and I don't know if I am doing thing right. It is like my manager looking over my shoulder the other day and I totally couldn't do any work. But seem like not everybody know what they are doing too. So it was not too bad. The best part is I learn some knife skill. Chopping was usually the part that I don't like doing. I cut very slow. And I usually do big chunk. It would get bigger and bigger too cause I got bored in the end. And today, I learnt how to prepare some vegetable, how to pick them, and how to cut it. I am actually pretty happy that I didn't cut my finger again. Today's dish is very simple. Just a vegetable soup to get us practicing cutting up vegetable. And also teach us how to make stock/broth. Another good thing about the class is that I don't need to do my dishes. We have assistants who are taking the full time chef course helping us. They will come around to teach us, do dishes, even sharpen our knifes. I wish I have one of those at home when I cooked. I am looking forward that the next class when we actually do a complete 3 course meal.

Budget

I got sick of my money kept disappearing on me. Every month when I got my pay check, my account was up for a second and then the money slowly got swollen into some unknown black hole. And whatever little left there, when I saw my credit card bill, it all goes in. I finally decided that I would lay out what I spend each month that I know of regularly and put out a budget so I could save some money. I really want some liquid asset. When I wrote down all my loan and utility bills and stuff, it actually add up to be quite abit. I am actually spending less than I expect. I always know I am a big spender. My friends always said I waste too much money. But not even taking the yearly expenses (house insurance, alarm, property tax, etc) into account, it is way more than I expected. Living by oneself surely is expensive. I know I could start cutting on my expenses, like my coffee or my cable . But I don't know if I want my desperate measure yet. I like my coffee in the morning. Last time cutting it for 3 months was killing me. And my cable. I don't have to have Chinese TV and all those extra channels, but I really like having them. I guess I have to work on my priority and think what I really need if I want to save anything at all.