Mask

A friend once told me that he quitted church because he thinks people are two faced. They go to church with one face and live outside another. I start to wonder that about myself. Am I really the same person? Do I show people the very same me? Or do I wear a mask as well? If I am just showing my real self, why do I feel so tired after? Why do I feel more empty after? Is my anti-social level that high that I just can't deal with group of people anymore? Even I was talking with people, I felt that I am forcing myself to be social, to be cheerful. May be that is why I am tired. I was chatting with another friend later at night and it is as if I could talk forever. Though we are just chatting of random thing happened in our lives lately, I felt content. We might not share same point of view on some cases, but I still felt delighted. I didn't feel tired or emptied after our conversation (well, she might cause she was tired to begin with and I am not sure if I became a drag for her cause I have been bugging her a lot lately :P) I sometimes wonder if I grow too old to accept new friendship. Once you reached certain age, you became very stubborn and defensive. And you will only stick with your old friends. May be I am at that age already. Who knows?!