People Come, People Go

I had this topic in my mind for quite awhile. I kind of want to write about it but I don't know how to approach it. We always say friends come and go. But if you know you are drifting away from your friends, what would you do? Would you try to make extra effort to reconcile the friendship? Or would you just let it die off slowly? I think I have been doing later one. I would still go to the gathering. But I would just sit there and eat. I don’t care what is going on with people’s lives. And I won’t say what is going on with mine either unless being asked. I would then give a generic answer: alright, good, busy. I do feel bad every time I showed up at the gathering at that mentality, especially once in awhile, my friends like to say "we have been close friends for such a long time" I feel very guilty about it because I can’t say that out loud from my heart. I always wonder if they notice I have been just physically presence. One of the girls got engaged last year and apparently another girl was so happy that she cried when she heard the news. Another friend technically jumped up and down. I just say "congrats" politely. I was just not that excited. I didn't even cry when I heard my best friends got engaged. I was very happy for them. But crying seemed a bit overboard for me. Anyway, the other night one of my friends suggested we should do a speech on the wedding. My immediate reaction was to object. I seriously have nothing to say at all. I seriously drew blank when I tried to think of something to say at all. I mean I could BS if I have to. But I know it won't be from the bottom of my heart. I know it is my problem. And I have been distancing myself. May be I should just stop showing up.