Blackout

Electricity is one thing that you don't realize how much you rely on it until you don't have it. A friend was complaining there was thunder over at her place and electricity was out for awhile. That reminds me one morning I woke up and electricity was out in my building. At least it is good that it was in the morning and I could still see what I was doing. Sitting at home and having nothing to do (no TV, no radio, no internet, no food, no nothing!!!) I decided to go out instead. I first had to take a cold shower and fix myself up in the dark (well, not that dark) Since I wasn't sure if I could get my car out (because of the garage door) I brought my backpack to bring a bunch of stuff in case I have to take a bus to get away from this lack of electricity area. For some reason I could still turn on my alarm (they must be using their own power source??!!) The hallway had very dim light and I had to walk very slow. When I got to the stairwell, I decided to turn back to get extra light source. The stairwell has absolutely no light at all, not even a backup one. And I wasn't ready to fall on the stairs in the dark. Good that my mom planned ahead and forced me to have a flash light at home. So I went back to grab my flash light and started my adventure again: to wander around my building in the dark. I finally got downstairs onto the first floor. Now I started worried that I can't get back into the building because the main gate used a key card to open. Good that again it used a separate power source. (I actually hold the door opened and tried the scanner and see if I heard a "beep" sound) Now the most exciting part, whether I could actually get my car out. When I walked down to the garage and saw all the gates actually up, I was sooooo happy!!! I quickly got to my car and ran away from this place!

Nice?!

A friend talked about definition of a nice person in her blog several days ago. I actually never gave deep thought on it until then. I would normally consider myself a nice person. Why wouldn't I be? I care about my friends. I am friendly (well, most of the time anyway) and pleasant (when I am not tortured at work) But like my friend said, does that really make me a nice person? When I am nice to my friend, do I really not expecting anything in return? Or I am nice to them because I want them to like me? If that is the case, am I just being selfish? I used to think that I could I put more effort into a friendship and don't expect the other person to do the same. I understood you can't really tally who is giving more in a friendship and I am just doing what I want to do: to care for my friends. Not until later when I need my friend 's help and got rejected, then I know I was expecting something more. It was never a one way. Though I understand my friend is that kind of person, I can't forgive my friend for being so selfish and not helpful. If I am as nice as I think I am, I shouldn't expect my friend to help me in return. If I do expect something from my friends, then all this times am I really just keeping tab with my friends so they can return favor in future?

Yet Another Year Older

Well, everybody knows anyway, it is my birthday today. A friend asked me if I am happy for my birthday. I really don't know how to answer. I am not excited like a kid anymore when I have my birthday. It is actually kind of sad to grow old (and people around you keep reminding you indeed are old) But I sure am happy to have so many friends with me on my birthday. For me, birthday becomes an excuse for my friends to gather for dinner and a reminder how much I already have. I surely feel blessed to have so many friends. There is no crazy partying and heavy drinking this year. I just want a small and cozy gathering with my friends. When one of my friend asked where to eat, I said I don't even mind to eat at his place. I just want to chat with my friends in a relaxed environment. His wife end up making us dinner (she never cooked for us before so we were risking our lives......hehehehe) and end up cutting her finger. And I got a lot of calls and text messages from friends today. What make me happiest is my brother called tonight. I was sort of expecting him call me last night cause he usually called at mid-night to wish my happy birthday and make sure I am safe and not drunk (that is only because he got drunk on all his birthdays and thought that I would do the same thing!...soooo not!) But I am still very happy to hear from him and we chatted for a bit. Things hasn't been very smooth for him lately in HK but I know he will get thru. And thanks to my best friend, most of my birthday present are wine related. I got a wine opener, a set of crystal wine glasses and a wine stopper. I think she really helped strengthen my alcoholics image. Hehehe..I think I really need to think of a way to change my image.

PS. Since my birthday is actually on the same day as mid-autumn festival this year, my friend decided to use a moon cake as my birthday cake. That is because some DUMB people think it is a "funny" idea. I am sorry, but that is not new. You guys did it before, but you probably don't remember cause you are OLDER than me. WAHAHAHAHAH!

Travel Plan

A friend and I are going to Montreal next week to meet up with another friend and then 3 of us will go to Quebec city together for a weekend. Since I never traveled with these friends before, I tried to be more organize. I am scared they will kill me. My friends who always travel with me know how "off" I can be on vacation. Last time when I went visit my friend in England, she gave me her cell phone to find me. And everytime she called, I was lost. I sort of know where I need to go, and then I let myself wander off. It is all part of travel experience. Besides, I am on vacation. I don't really need to turn on my brain. I could take out my map and look for my way, but I am not in a hurry, I may as well just enjoy wherever my legs take me. I already booked the train and the accommodation to stayed in Quebec. I don't know how dynamic they could be. I was almost sure they would kill me if we find accommodation after we got off the train. In order to stay alive, I would rather do some more work before my precious holiday. I figure I could leave the dynamic part later in my trip. Personally I like finding a place to stay when I arrived, so I can know what area I am staying in, how clean the place is, and what sort of people staying there. But oh well, it could be for a change. The friend traveling with me worried about me being stressed out on planning cause she knew I usually don't plan much. My most organized planning is done on plane. I will quickly flip thru where I should go and then ignore it till I got off and found a tourist centre. I will decide after I arrived. Usually it was because I worked till the last min before I leave so I don't have much time before my trip to plan. My ex-traveling buddy used to do all the planning cause playing is always top priority for her. She could do all the planning and I just brought my body over to the place and go wherever she wanted to go (and I usually don't care much anyway) Now that she is all married and not available, I guess I have to find time to slack and do some planning myself :(

Last Wedding of the Year

Finally attended last wedding of the year. My wallet can finally rest till next year (may be the year after cause I haven't heard anyone planning to get married next year yet..wheeeeee!!) This wedding is actually a bit different than the rest I went this year. First, it is not Chinese. So everything is a bit different. This is a wedding I was the only Asian in church till the groom's family came. I almost felt a bit uneasy and wasn't sure I went to the right wedding. But I did see his picture on the reception table. Though it is like the 3rd time I heard the passage 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy...) I still felt very touched in this wedding. This is actually the second wedding I want to cry. Everything is very simple, but I can see my friend is very happy. And I am really happy for him. The dinner is a buffet style. It is more quiet compared to the rowdiness in Chinese wedding. Chinese wedding is all about games and noise. Western wedding seem more loving and warmth. I really like his groommen's speech. It is very touching (though I totally disagree, the groom is so not trustworthy, dependable, loving, caring person!!! :P) Though I didn't fool around a lot, I like it being simple and touching.

Judged

Had a discussion tonight at fellowship about struggle. One of my struggle is scared to be judged. I am pretty sure that a lot of my behavior doesn't qualify as Christian-like. I felt defensive if someone told me what I did wrong. I would think, "Hey, you are no better than me, don't point your finger at me, mind your own business". A friend once told me I would accept other pointing at my wrong doing if I respect the person and trust the person's opinion. If a random stranger walked up to me and told me what I did wrong as Christian, I would totally feel offended. I felt my friend's church is more conservative and while helping him out at his wedding, I always wonder what do they think of me? I almost regret telling them that I go to church cause they may have certain standard to judge me? If they think I am non-Christian, may be they have another standard. That is another thing I told my friend I don't like about our discussion. Cause there are too many times we said we Christian don't do that, whereas non-Christian would do that. I know most of the times Christians don't think they are better, in fact they just acknowledge the fact that they are sinners as well. But the way we talk we sound like we take pride and think that we are better. But partly may be because I feel offended as if they are pointing finger at me. We Christian don't drink (well, I still do...) We Christian don't go party (well, I don't go often, but I don't mind...) May be because I felt guilty about those and feel offended when someone brought that up. A friend remind me, in the end, everything is between me and God, not from others.

Vacation Planning

We could get stood up by boyfriend, girlfriend, date, friends, doctor, acupuncturist (in my case). How often your parents will bail out on you? I was planning to be a good daughter and go to Toronto with them. But I also want to go to Montreal to visit a friend. So I decided I will leave earlier to visit my friend, then go to Toronto to meet up with my parents. They were very excited cause my mom has been complaining that I haven't traveled with them for so many years. We even worked out the detail when to meet up last night. So I went and confirmed my vacation and detail of the plan today. I even checked my flight and train connection. I was so excited that I didn't do much work at all today. I was busy checking schedule, emailing my friend to confirm detail, bugging my manager for more vacation. In the end, I had it all work out and just waiting for my parents to confirm on their end before I booked my ticket. When I called my mom at home, she told me she can't go anymore!!! I was so shocked to hear that. It was almost not a problem for her to take that vacation since she worked part time only these days. And my dad already had that week off. It is almost perfect plan. Except my mom said her manager asked her to work that week and she said yes. I was ...!!!! How could she bail out on me like this!!! For once I wanted to be good daughter and this is what I got!!! I can't even change my vacation cause if I don't take that week, I won't have anything till end of October and it would be too cold to go anywhere. After making fun of my friend who got ditched by her mom on Mother's Day for sooo long, I can't believe same faith happened on me.

Behave

Sometimes I really don't know how to behave as a Christian. Should I just don't do anything fun? Cause they may be sinful? A friend from church watched the movie The 40 Years Old Virgin and she said it was pretty funny but not suitable for everybody. I told her I have very high tolerant and I probably will find it funny as well. But they also said our pastor may not recommend we watching it because of some of the jokes. Does it mean I shouldn't watch it as well? Even if I don't find the joke offending? Exactly how should I behave as Christian? All uptight and conservative? In my friend's wedding, he put me at one of the rowdier table. I sure had fun that night cause my friends and I went crazy and making so much noise. After that, I wonder if I suit for what called a Christian behavior. It is in the bible that our behavior should glorify God, but what is that say about day to day behavior? What am I supposed to do or not to do? Am I not supposed to joke around? A friend told me that Catholics has a book of accepted behavior. It is a guideline what is allowed or not. May be it is easier to be a Catholics than a Christian. At least I know what is expected from me officially, instead of varying between people.

Love Is...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

I am sure a lot of us see this passage before. This is probably the most used passage in a wedding. We talked about church unity today at service. And I was reminded of this passage. This year my fellowship's theme is also love. As this year's leader said, it is easy to love people you like, but hard to love people you don't exactly like. I am always confused on this idea. I could retain the socialize friendly politeness with everybody, but do I really have to love everybody. What is love anyway for everybody? If I say I don't dislike some people, or find some people hard to connect, I would be lying. And if I say I care about everybody, I would be lying too. Some people I just rather not have much interaction with, not that I hate the people, but why force myself to socialize. That is something I would have to do at work if I need to work with people I don't like to stay professional. Do I have to do that after work too? I know I should learn to love everybody as it is God's command to love one another. Does it mean I have to really force myself to bond with everyone? Sound like a lot of tiring effort. Can't we just leave it as if I don't hate the person, I "love" the person? Where can I find such passion for everybody? I know I hold my closer friends more dear to my heart. How can I do that for other people?

Hurricane

I was away the weekend when Katrina hit New Orlean. I vaguely know the impact was huge and thousands of people died, but somehow, I can't feel anything. I felt so distant about the whole incident. Unlike the tsunami happened in Asia last year, I don't even want to read the news about it. Last time I was watching CNN the whole time to find out more details, but this time, I didn't pay attention much even when it showed on TV. I don't understand why I am so cold hearted. May be because it was US. It was supposed to be economically stable enough to take care of themselves. US was the country who gave billions dollar to Asia last year for tsunami. Why would they need other country's help for some small flood? I talked to some friends and they sort of feel the same way. If it happen in some third world country, we would feel more passionate about the situation, but US, nah. Come to think about it, I don't feel much when I heard about war in Iraq too. I am getting used to people dying over there. I know it is a bad thing but I don't know how to tell myself to feel. I am scared may be one day someone die in front of me and I wouldn't care at all. I wonder would that day ever come.

Camping Again?!

Out of town for two weekends in a row made my house a mess. My unpacked luggage is lying everywhere. So I decided to deny my friend's invitation to go camping this weekend and cleaned up my house instead. Besides, I had a wedding to go to on Monday anyway. I may as well take some time to rest. When a friend from church invited the girls to stay over at her place last night, I wasn't very keen cause I kind of miss my bed from the previous weekend. And I was kind of sick of packing again anyway so I decided to just go hang out and go home afterward. But poor me, in the end got cornered and forced to stay overnight unprepared, no sleeping bag, no change of clothes, no nothing. Well, only thing I really need is to take off my contact lens and my friend did have solution to spare me. And she lent me her sleeping bag and pajama. So I end up camping in her house. It wasn't too bad cause I would just go home to fix up myself the next day. Four of us chatted till very late. I don't even know what time it was when I passed out. I always enjoy a good conversation and it sure was fun, despite the last min camping experience.

Bad Typo!

It was indeed another bad day at work for me. A hotfix was supposed to release Monday and it kept slipping and slipping and finally yesterday QA found out that it didn't install on one of the setup at all. I was so frustrated when I heard that. How could they find this out right before we were going to release? But then, the more urgent thing was to fix up the problem. So I found a quick solution last night and hope that it would work fine this morning. But nope, it still didn't install. Since one of the more annoying customers was waiting on this hotfix, support gave us extra pressure on this. But there was only so fast I could work. Good that support didn't bug me, but went bug my manager (and he was not happy at all getting a call every 15 minutes asking for an update, my update was, I am still working on it!!!) I am not very familiar with that part of code and since we are so lack of documentation, it was even harder for me to work on it. I finally got a solution after lunch. So I immediately told release engineer to do a build (which take another freaking 3 hours) I was keeping my finger crossed that it would work. But, but, strike 3 for me! It still didn't work. I was so mad and was so upset. I didn't understand how it would not work. I clearly checked everything carefully. I couldn't test it because it would take me awhile to set up to test. And I didn't even know how to set up. But I was pretty sure I checked my logic correctly. I so wanted to just leave the mess and never come back. Finally, I found a way to let me test the changes. I started playing around and testing which part of my changes failed. In the end, I found out that the installer couldn't detect what type of installation it is and that is why it failed. But...but...that part of code has been around forever and it SHOULD work. So I started staring at the code and suddenly, something jumped out. Someone had a typo in the code. The way we checked the type of set up the installation was to open up a configuration file and looked for the word "cluster". But the code check if we can find the word "cluser". It is missing a "T"! I couldn't believe no one ever use that part of the code!!! It has been there for ages. I couldn't believe I had such bad luck!!