The Game

I was soooo closed to getting a pair of ticket for tonight's game. A coworker of mine was selling his. The minute I saw that email, I thought about calling my dad, but figure I would get my hand on it first and ran downstairs. I arrived at his desk the same time as another coworker. Well, may be a couple seconds earlier. Then things got a bit embarrassing cause we both don't want to be nasty and trying to be polite. But we both wanted it. So we played a round of paper rock scissor and I LOST! I couldn't believe it. I LOST! I should be mean and said I was there 2 seconds earlier and took the ticket. Why do I even try to be fair! Pretending to be nice! Should have just elbow her out of the way and grab the ticket! (actually, I was closer to the ticket! Urgh!) And I should have known I suck at paper rock scissor. My brother can always tell what I am going to do. I should have said best out of 3 rounds. Why do I finish it in one round! And why do I do paper! What on earth am I thinking! Is rock not good for me? Huh?! Next time, I definitely would run to my coworker's desk immediately. Or even should have called right at the moment I saw the email. The game won't even show on TV, except on paid per view. Well, I guess that just mean I can save money tonight. Besides, another friend already told me she may able to get me some ticket later this season since her friend may want to sell some of his. I guess I could always wait.

Prayer

We talked about prayers today in Sunday school. I think it helped a lot cause I often wonder if I should pray to ask for something. I meant God has a plan for me and he know exactly what I need. So when I pray for something, I am not even sure I meant to have it. But if I end up saying, please let me have that, but if I shouldn't have it, then help me understand. I found that is kind of a weird prayer cause I basically said nothing: "Please let me have it, but if you don't want to, that is okay too." And even if I pray for something and it happened the same way I asked for, I wasn't sure if it was because of my prayer or it was the way God intended anyway. I also read somewhere online that it is not right to pray your wish list. God is not Santa Claus. You have to pray very strategically (geez...no one ever told me this kind of thing.....I should have bought that book "Prayer for Dummies"). If it is asking for something abstract, like health for my friends or safety for my brother, I find it easier to say in my prayer. But if I ask for something more concrete, like a car, then I felt like I am talking to Santa. But my pastor said that he asked God for things all the times. He even joked around with God. All prayers will be answered though God may answer with yes, no, yes but my way, or yes but later. He also mentioned that there is a praying method called the ACTS method which stands for Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving and Supplication. And the last one, supplication means that we came to ask for our and others needs. I don't think I ever did all those in one single prayer. I may do bits and pieces here there. Well, but at least I know I am on the right track, I think.

PS. Today I think God did answer my prayer in an interesting way. A friend called and chatted for a quite awhile. She called me in sort of the right time cause she asked me the problem I was having (and geez, to my surprise, I can't believe she sort of figure it out) And I sort of need to talk to someone anyway or I know I will harden my heart (which I think still is) on the situation.

Airplane

"Fly airplane" is Cantonese slang meaning bailing out on someone. And that is exactly what I did to a friend today. Originally, my friend and I were planning to go to apple festival together today. And after that we would come back to my place to make apple pie (mmm...pie) But I need to pick up birthday present before that since we were meeting the birthday boy that night for dinner. I told my other friends that I would do that last week while they were away but I was sick for 2 days and busy all others. So the pressure is on. I have to get something before dinner or I will for sure be killed on the dinner table. I don't want my head to be presented as birthday present. And I am sure his wife won't like to put that their place very much. Another hard thing is my friend has no hobby at all. We think the only thing he really like is his wife. There were tons of times we want to just wrap her up and give it to him as gift. So shopping for him is definitely a challenge. I don't even know which store to go. I think boring person shouldn't allow to have birthday. Or at the very least, no birthday present allowed to save his friend's brain cells (especially when there is not much to start with already!) In the desperation of finding a birthday present, I have to bail out on my friend. I text messaged her and told her I couldn't make it and wonder if she wanted to go the next day instead. But I haven't heard back from her after that (we were chatting a bit thru text messaging earlier but this was the last message) so I was kind of scared she was pretty upset. I knew my time would be tight to go to apple festival and to bake pie and to go to dinner right after. And I kind of don't want to just pick up some crap for my friend. I haven't heard from her the whole night. I felt a bit uneasy not sure what happen. How pissed was she? I know I probably won't be too happy if I made plan with a friend and she bail out last minute. When I got home, I saw her online. Apparently she went to the apple festival by herself. She sounded fine and she did pick up something. She just was going to text message me from the festival but didn't send it. I felt a bit relieved. I know I let my imagination blow thing out of proportion again. But I guess I was guilty about bailing on my friend make me worrisome. I definitely should do better time management next time before I commit to a friend's plan.

Peace

It is always interesting how things come together. I just had a discussion with another friend last night about peace. And today, we had this discussion in fellowship. I think the hardest part is to have peace with people. When some strangers did you wrong, you may hold grudge for a short while and then let go of it. When someone you close to did that, you may never talk to the person ever. People who used to be friends, do you or do you not let go of them? I don't really know the answer myself. I have been fluctuated between both. Sometimes I rather we don't ever see each other again and sometimes I would try to make an effort to maintain our friendship. I am not even sure if it really worthwhile. I know friendship require maintenance, but it always come from my heart. Unlike now I have to pull myself together to try. I don't even know how I call such person a friend when I don't trust the person. When I emotionally block out this person and I evaluate every word the person said, how much friendship is there really? I know I am back to same circle now. I seem to always come back to this dead end. May be the bad dream bring it all back. And I don't know how to deal with our mutual friends. When everybody know you two were friends, what would other think when you no longer friend with the other person? Does it mean only one of us stay in the group? Or should I explain to everyone? Sometimes I wonder am I the only one struggling it. Would the other person having the same struggle? If that is the case, may be I should put our minds at peace by leaving the group.

Sworn Enemy

There is a Chinese saying that there is no sworn enemy in the world of business. I always find Chinese are so wise because that is so true. Someone sent an email several years ago on April's Fool saying that my company got acquired by our biggest competitor. There were quite a bit of reaction on that and in the end, everyone found out it was just a joke. Well, well, well, it wasn't a joke anymore. My company and our biggest competitor announced that they were planning to merge together. I think the news came in as a bit a shock to all of us, employee included. I don't know if I should feel "excited" or upset. I actually felt neither. My first reaction is whether I would still have my job. Seeing how last acquisition in my company worked, it probably took quite awhile to merge the two development teams together. So I guess I would still have my job for the next while. Next thought is, all my junk paper, mm..I meant my precious stock option, may worth something now. We still don't know how much it worth cause there is still legal issue to due with before the transaction closes. I was hoping that I could pay off part of my mortgage (well, I know I am being hopeful, but one could only hope). I read some info provided for us and apparently if your position is no longer required in result of the merge, you will be given a big compensation. If you are required to demote or given less responsibility than your current position, you can choose to not accept and quit and still got tons of money. After knowing that big, it actually makes me feel more calm. So I figured worse come to worse, I got my junk paper traded into cold hard cash. And then I will get more from getting laid off. That mean I could sit around and do nothing and have tons of cash for a short while. Wahahahahaha!!! (I know, I should go to bed now)

Where is My Hot Water!!!

I once did a psychological test: do you prefer to die of hunger or cold? My instant response is hunger. I know I really really really hate being cold and suffering thru that before I die is definitely a torture. Having said that, I have been taking cold water shower last week cause the boiler in my place broke down. The day I came back from my vacation, I found out that the water in my place was not hot enough for a shower. But I waited and waited and waited until I was about to pass out on my couch and then I took a luke warm shower. It felt nasty. Then the situation got worse and worse. I finally didn't even have any slightly warm water. I had to shower under icy cold water for a week now. I wondered if it was just me or it affected my neighbours too cause no way no one complained after a whole week of no hot water. At first I suspect may be I forgot to pay my strata fee and that is what they punished me for. I checked and I did pay last month. So now I suspect it may be my neighbour who complained about the noise I made and shut off my hot water. If I found out he/she did that, I will sue him/her till death!!!!! I finally gave up and called property management yesterday. Apparently, the boiler broke down while I was on vacation (that mean two freaking weeks without hot water!!! I should consider myself lucky then) and they were waiting for the builder to fix it. The builder came and said it was missing a part and needed to put in an order. I asked when can it be fixed then. He said he was about to call and see if the part arrived yet. And even if he found another contractor to fix it, the contractor still needed that part anyway. In another word, he had absolutely no idea!!!! I didn't know how my neighbours survived two weeks without hot water. It has been very cold lately in Vancouver and I am absolutely not happy with cold water shower, even in hot summer days. My body didn't like it either. It was breaking apart. Errrr....FIX IT!!!!

Food Critics

Like most of my trip, food is the top priority. Here are the places I remember I went.

1. Crepe Breton (Quebec City): We had crepe for dinner the first night. I chose egg, mushroom, spinach, ham and cheese. It was alright, not the best one I had (I like the one on Denman St better) Sangria there seem to contain more alcohol than here, even than in Spain (if I remember correctly).

2. Le Petit Coin Latin (Quebec City): I had French toast for breakfast. It was not bad. Coffee is a bit disappointing though. I sort of expecting coffee in Quebec would be like in France, where I could walk into any cafe and they would be sooo good that make Starbucks coffee tasteless. Here, I rather miss my Starbucks.

3. Fondue place next to Le Chateau Frontenac (Quebec City): We had a fondue trio, which mean cheese fondue to start with, a fondue Chino (huh? Chinese?) and a chocolate fondue. I liked the cheese fondue, it taste less sour than I made it (hehehe..) a very mild cheese they used. The fondue Chino is some sort of meat booth you dip your raw meat in. It seems like hot pot, but it is not boiling booth. So we chose beef to be on the safe side. It was alright, not very tasty though. I always like chocolate fondue (mmmm...chocolate...). I hated that we don't have much place selling chocolate fondue anymore.

4. Schwartz's (Montreal): Of course I went for the famous smoked meat. It wasn't too bad. But I was never big fan of smoked meat sandwich. But it is still all good. Still good even we took our left over back to my friend's place and put in soup with noodles.

5. Fairmont Bagel (Montreal): Another thing I had to try in Montreal. It was supposed to be the original bagel place in Montreal. To be honest, I didn't like it that much. I had a fresh (still warm) blueberry bagel. The dough was too blend. I like Siegel bagel way better.

6. Jardin Nelson (Montreal): Another day of crepe. It was actually pretty good. At least their choices were more special. I had one with different kind of mushroom. It was good. I wouldn't sit outside again though even if it was nice and sunny. Cause the bee liked attacking my food and I had to eat very quickly so they wont' touch it first.

7. Royal Thai (Ottawa): They claimed to be the best Thai in town, and it actually wasn't too bad. The night I stayed in Ottawa was freezing cold (and walking in the dark over to the Hull side didn't help either) so I decided I desperately want something spicy. I had a chicken green curry with rice. It was a bit watery than I liked but the taste was fine. I was sooo hungry that I end up eating more than I should.

8. Timothy's (Ottawa): This probably is a coffee shop chain in East coast. They had a light mocha which I really liked. They used a different kind of chocolate that is not very sweet. I always like my coffee a bit on the bitter side. Too bad I didn't get a chance to have another one before I left.

9. Acqua Ristorante e Bar (Toronto): This is a restaurant I walked in at random. I wasn't planning to go to such fancy restaurant. The restaurant I was planning to eat at was all full and I randomly tried several places and they all said I had to wait for 30 min (what the....even for one person) and I saw this place is rather empty. I was beyond hungry when I arrived and the price looked reasonable (though a bit on the high side) It turned out quite nicely. I started with a vegetable soup which had a bit too much pepper but quite nicely done. Followed by a linguini with spinach and mushroom which was exactly what I want to eat. My stomach was going to explode when I finished. I was going to pass dessert but the waitress tempted me with the menu and the moment I saw orange dark chocolate creme brulee, I knew I just have to work out harder when I got back.

10. Spring Roll (Toronto): This was the place I want to go the night before. It was voted best Chinese, best fine dining, blah blah blah in Toronto. Result, I would say rather disappointing. Since it was lunch, I ordered a spring roll and a salad roll. The salad roll was fine, though the peanut sauce was not that good. It was not as creamy as I like. The spring roll is the real disappointment. One would think when you name your restaurant that, it got to be the specialty. They tasted fine, alright. But the best spring roll was when they were hot and crispy, and mine just ain't crispy enough. Good that I didn't wait for half an hour the night before.

11. Okonomi House (Toronto): This is an Okonomi house I found on my tour book. I thought it would be self made one I had in Japan. Turned out to be one that you sat down and ordered. It was not bad okonomiyaki, but it was kind of stupid that I had to order Bonito separately. So when the waitress gave me the box to add on myself, I added as much as possible. The taste was not bad, but I could use more sauce. A big part I like okonomiyaki is because of the sauce. The cook just put a thin layer on it.

12. Starbucks (Niagara Fall): This is definitely the most expensive starbucks I ever been. I never know Starbucks charge differently across Canada. Toronto is a bit more expensive than Vancouver, and Niagara Fall is definitely INSANE! IT WAS SUCH A RIP OFF! I thought I heard wrong when the girl told me how much it cost for a latte. For that price, I could get a latte AND a muffin in Vancouver.

Neighbour

Thought I almost never run into my neighbours, I got the most "pleasant" gift from my neighbours last night. I went home, opened my door as usual, and saw a paper slipped under my door. My neighbour has left me a note.

Hello Neighbors

- Please Lower sound, TV/RADIO VERY LOUD - MORNING & NIGHT
- Walls/Floors ARE THIN IN THIS BUILDING.

THANK YOU
NEIGHBORS

I was quite shocked to get this. First, I really don't think my TV was that loud. It was the usual volume that I have it on for last 1.5 years. Second, I just got back from my vacation for a day! And since I still suffering jet lag, I passed out before 10:30pm. No way someone can complain about noise by that time. The fact that my neighbor only left me a note without saying who he/she is, I can't even verify and see if it is really my tv. For all I know, my upstairs neighbor is pretty noisy too. I could totally hear his/her TV the whole time. And it was 1am in the morning! I don't know what I should really do. I talked to some friends today and some said I should leave it as is. Some said I should bring up my case to strata first. Only thing I worry is that if I ever apply to change to laminated floor, my neighbor may object. Some other friends said my neighbours must have suffered my noisiness for quite awhile. And when I left for my vacation, they finally enjoy the quietness they deserved. When I came back and my tv disturb the peace, they got all pissed and sent me the note. Errrr!

Haunted

Just when you thought you let go of something and it is all in the past now, it came back and haunt you in your dream. People said dreaming is your subconscious. I wonder if that mean that I never really learn to forgive and forget the whole incident. The piece of memory surfaced in my dream one night. I re-lived the whole incident, the lies, the betrayal. I woke up feeling all painful and hurt and bitter. I feel like I went thru everything again. I thought I put everything behind me. If I still felt like that after my dream, may be I never let go of anything. I just hide it under my consciousness. So during the day, I can't feel a thing about it anymore. I emotionally block that out. But subconsciously, the scar would always be there. It just wait for me being vulnerable and unprepared and haunted me again. I wonder if I would ever learn to forgive...truly forgive. May be my heart is harden and I would never able to. Or until I forget then I would forgive. My mind always selectively forget things. May be I could forget that incident somehow. But if I keep thinking about it from time to time, I think that piece of memory will always stick with me. Why didn't it attack me when I slept! When I thought I was over it! Urgh!

Harry Potter

One of the biggest accomplishment I did on the trip was that I finished reading the last two Harry Potter books (hehe..yes, the dictionary size one) I brought along the book 5 hoping to finish reading it. I got it years ago but never finished reading it. Enough people spoiled the surprise for me made me not wanting to finish it. A friend worked that casually into a conversation and made me so mad that I can't even refuse to listen. Another friend used the surprise as password for her team and when she got yelled at by her team member, she told me the story and again, I just can't even shut her up (would her rice tix please smack her now if she is laughing hard?) Since usually I could read quite a bit on my trip (except the Lord of the Ring book which I think is hopeless to finish) I decided to give it another chance and brought it along. Once I started in it, I found that I can't stop. Though a lot of people said Harry Potter became very annoying into book 5, I can see so much of him in me. I could just be as annoying, sensitive, defensive and bad temper as him. Only difference is he would snap whenever, but I would usually control more instead of yelling at everybody. Part of the reason I was so lack of sleep is because I was reading the book late at night. When I finally put down book 5, I really want to start the latest book. I knew it would be insane to bring two dictionary size books with me, but it is not like I didn't bring tons of books with me on my vacation before. I got all the first 4 Harry Potter books during my trip in England. I was reading like crazy one after another. And, since I happen to find a Chapters in Toronto, I may as well pick up the next one. After reading everything in two days, I felt a sense of loss. I don't know what I could do next. My friend said we are suffering the withdrawal. I know I want to watch the movie again cause I want to know who play some of the characters. My friend re-read all the other books again. I was searching online for more info on the upcoming movie and finding out the cast. I also searched for rumour about the next book in the hope will give me some hint what to expect next. Errr...how much longer I need to wait for the next book?! :(

Across Canada

Finally came back from Toronto. It was kind of last minute that I decided to do this trip but it was not too bad. As usual, I didn't do much planning before my trip. I don't have much time to do any preparation. Only thing I could do is to pick up a Lonely Planet from the library the day I am flying out and read it on the plane. It was not a bad trip. Despite a lot of people expect me and my friend kill off each other on the trip, we both survive :P I went to Quebec city, Montreal, Ottawa and Toronto. As expected, Toronto bored me to death. I ended up going shopping and did a lot of reading. Montreal, I found it okay, as another friend said, it is a French version of Toronto. I liked Quebec city and Ottawa the best. Here are some highlight of the trip:

1. Since I didn't travel with my usual disastrous friend (hehehe), no usual chasing a train or plane....though we did try to chase the bus once and I end up landing on my face and hurt my ankle. I was totally in shock when that happen. It was 5 days into the trip and I lost my mobility!!! Good that I could still walk around...though I wouldn't run for next while.

2. The screw on my glass somehow lost the first day I arrived. I have to wear my glasses with only one handle for 4 days before I could find some store in Montreal to fix it.

3. I didn't expect Niagara Fall area is sooooo boring. The only exciting part is the ferry ride. Other than that, there is nothing. It is like a cheap version of Vegas. A lot of cheesy tour attractions. I was so bored at one point that I was seriously thinking should I go into casino and play slot machine. I also thought about walking to the train station from the tour attraction area, which is a good 3-4km walk. A bus came back and the driver said he would be going to the train station after he finished going up town and I could tag along the ride if I want. So I end up doing a bus tour around the area :P

4. Even though a lot of people told me Ottawa is very boring, I kind of like the museum there. I should have spend more time there. I went to the Royal Canadian Mint which I really like the tour. There are lots of stuff about coin making that I didn't know. I didn't join the tour in Parliament Hill cause there is a session in progress. So I end up watching that instead. I can't believe people can make such long boring speech. I had to run after pretending to listen for 5 minute. I also really like the Canadian Museum of Civilization. It was very nicely done.

5. Quebec city remind me more of the small town in France, though I can't find any cheese store or pastry store in Old Quebec. And the coffee wasn't as good as France. I was a bit disappointed at that. I was looking forward that I could walk into any cafe and their coffee would be extraordinary.

6. Almost lost my wallet in Toronto and freak the hell out of me. When I went to the guesthouse that I was staying in Toronto, there is another guy looking for a place to stay. So while I talked to the host on the phone, I was clumsily flip thru my paper and stuff. She said she doesn't have another place for that guy to stay. I brought out my tour book and gave him a list that he could try around here. When I brought my backpack upstairs and settled down, I found my wallet was missing!!! I was sooo pissed. I suspect that guy I just nicely helped stole it. How dare him! I knew I could call my parents or my friend and ask them to pay first. But...but...errrr.....soooo annoying. Then I thought may be I should walk back to subway and see if I drop it somewhere. It is right outside the guest house. I probably dropped it when I grabbed the code to open the door. Ghew!

Blackout

Electricity is one thing that you don't realize how much you rely on it until you don't have it. A friend was complaining there was thunder over at her place and electricity was out for awhile. That reminds me one morning I woke up and electricity was out in my building. At least it is good that it was in the morning and I could still see what I was doing. Sitting at home and having nothing to do (no TV, no radio, no internet, no food, no nothing!!!) I decided to go out instead. I first had to take a cold shower and fix myself up in the dark (well, not that dark) Since I wasn't sure if I could get my car out (because of the garage door) I brought my backpack to bring a bunch of stuff in case I have to take a bus to get away from this lack of electricity area. For some reason I could still turn on my alarm (they must be using their own power source??!!) The hallway had very dim light and I had to walk very slow. When I got to the stairwell, I decided to turn back to get extra light source. The stairwell has absolutely no light at all, not even a backup one. And I wasn't ready to fall on the stairs in the dark. Good that my mom planned ahead and forced me to have a flash light at home. So I went back to grab my flash light and started my adventure again: to wander around my building in the dark. I finally got downstairs onto the first floor. Now I started worried that I can't get back into the building because the main gate used a key card to open. Good that again it used a separate power source. (I actually hold the door opened and tried the scanner and see if I heard a "beep" sound) Now the most exciting part, whether I could actually get my car out. When I walked down to the garage and saw all the gates actually up, I was sooooo happy!!! I quickly got to my car and ran away from this place!

Nice?!

A friend talked about definition of a nice person in her blog several days ago. I actually never gave deep thought on it until then. I would normally consider myself a nice person. Why wouldn't I be? I care about my friends. I am friendly (well, most of the time anyway) and pleasant (when I am not tortured at work) But like my friend said, does that really make me a nice person? When I am nice to my friend, do I really not expecting anything in return? Or I am nice to them because I want them to like me? If that is the case, am I just being selfish? I used to think that I could I put more effort into a friendship and don't expect the other person to do the same. I understood you can't really tally who is giving more in a friendship and I am just doing what I want to do: to care for my friends. Not until later when I need my friend 's help and got rejected, then I know I was expecting something more. It was never a one way. Though I understand my friend is that kind of person, I can't forgive my friend for being so selfish and not helpful. If I am as nice as I think I am, I shouldn't expect my friend to help me in return. If I do expect something from my friends, then all this times am I really just keeping tab with my friends so they can return favor in future?

Yet Another Year Older

Well, everybody knows anyway, it is my birthday today. A friend asked me if I am happy for my birthday. I really don't know how to answer. I am not excited like a kid anymore when I have my birthday. It is actually kind of sad to grow old (and people around you keep reminding you indeed are old) But I sure am happy to have so many friends with me on my birthday. For me, birthday becomes an excuse for my friends to gather for dinner and a reminder how much I already have. I surely feel blessed to have so many friends. There is no crazy partying and heavy drinking this year. I just want a small and cozy gathering with my friends. When one of my friend asked where to eat, I said I don't even mind to eat at his place. I just want to chat with my friends in a relaxed environment. His wife end up making us dinner (she never cooked for us before so we were risking our lives......hehehehe) and end up cutting her finger. And I got a lot of calls and text messages from friends today. What make me happiest is my brother called tonight. I was sort of expecting him call me last night cause he usually called at mid-night to wish my happy birthday and make sure I am safe and not drunk (that is only because he got drunk on all his birthdays and thought that I would do the same thing!...soooo not!) But I am still very happy to hear from him and we chatted for a bit. Things hasn't been very smooth for him lately in HK but I know he will get thru. And thanks to my best friend, most of my birthday present are wine related. I got a wine opener, a set of crystal wine glasses and a wine stopper. I think she really helped strengthen my alcoholics image. Hehehe..I think I really need to think of a way to change my image.

PS. Since my birthday is actually on the same day as mid-autumn festival this year, my friend decided to use a moon cake as my birthday cake. That is because some DUMB people think it is a "funny" idea. I am sorry, but that is not new. You guys did it before, but you probably don't remember cause you are OLDER than me. WAHAHAHAHAH!

Travel Plan

A friend and I are going to Montreal next week to meet up with another friend and then 3 of us will go to Quebec city together for a weekend. Since I never traveled with these friends before, I tried to be more organize. I am scared they will kill me. My friends who always travel with me know how "off" I can be on vacation. Last time when I went visit my friend in England, she gave me her cell phone to find me. And everytime she called, I was lost. I sort of know where I need to go, and then I let myself wander off. It is all part of travel experience. Besides, I am on vacation. I don't really need to turn on my brain. I could take out my map and look for my way, but I am not in a hurry, I may as well just enjoy wherever my legs take me. I already booked the train and the accommodation to stayed in Quebec. I don't know how dynamic they could be. I was almost sure they would kill me if we find accommodation after we got off the train. In order to stay alive, I would rather do some more work before my precious holiday. I figure I could leave the dynamic part later in my trip. Personally I like finding a place to stay when I arrived, so I can know what area I am staying in, how clean the place is, and what sort of people staying there. But oh well, it could be for a change. The friend traveling with me worried about me being stressed out on planning cause she knew I usually don't plan much. My most organized planning is done on plane. I will quickly flip thru where I should go and then ignore it till I got off and found a tourist centre. I will decide after I arrived. Usually it was because I worked till the last min before I leave so I don't have much time before my trip to plan. My ex-traveling buddy used to do all the planning cause playing is always top priority for her. She could do all the planning and I just brought my body over to the place and go wherever she wanted to go (and I usually don't care much anyway) Now that she is all married and not available, I guess I have to find time to slack and do some planning myself :(

Last Wedding of the Year

Finally attended last wedding of the year. My wallet can finally rest till next year (may be the year after cause I haven't heard anyone planning to get married next year yet..wheeeeee!!) This wedding is actually a bit different than the rest I went this year. First, it is not Chinese. So everything is a bit different. This is a wedding I was the only Asian in church till the groom's family came. I almost felt a bit uneasy and wasn't sure I went to the right wedding. But I did see his picture on the reception table. Though it is like the 3rd time I heard the passage 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy...) I still felt very touched in this wedding. This is actually the second wedding I want to cry. Everything is very simple, but I can see my friend is very happy. And I am really happy for him. The dinner is a buffet style. It is more quiet compared to the rowdiness in Chinese wedding. Chinese wedding is all about games and noise. Western wedding seem more loving and warmth. I really like his groommen's speech. It is very touching (though I totally disagree, the groom is so not trustworthy, dependable, loving, caring person!!! :P) Though I didn't fool around a lot, I like it being simple and touching.

Judged

Had a discussion tonight at fellowship about struggle. One of my struggle is scared to be judged. I am pretty sure that a lot of my behavior doesn't qualify as Christian-like. I felt defensive if someone told me what I did wrong. I would think, "Hey, you are no better than me, don't point your finger at me, mind your own business". A friend once told me I would accept other pointing at my wrong doing if I respect the person and trust the person's opinion. If a random stranger walked up to me and told me what I did wrong as Christian, I would totally feel offended. I felt my friend's church is more conservative and while helping him out at his wedding, I always wonder what do they think of me? I almost regret telling them that I go to church cause they may have certain standard to judge me? If they think I am non-Christian, may be they have another standard. That is another thing I told my friend I don't like about our discussion. Cause there are too many times we said we Christian don't do that, whereas non-Christian would do that. I know most of the times Christians don't think they are better, in fact they just acknowledge the fact that they are sinners as well. But the way we talk we sound like we take pride and think that we are better. But partly may be because I feel offended as if they are pointing finger at me. We Christian don't drink (well, I still do...) We Christian don't go party (well, I don't go often, but I don't mind...) May be because I felt guilty about those and feel offended when someone brought that up. A friend remind me, in the end, everything is between me and God, not from others.

Vacation Planning

We could get stood up by boyfriend, girlfriend, date, friends, doctor, acupuncturist (in my case). How often your parents will bail out on you? I was planning to be a good daughter and go to Toronto with them. But I also want to go to Montreal to visit a friend. So I decided I will leave earlier to visit my friend, then go to Toronto to meet up with my parents. They were very excited cause my mom has been complaining that I haven't traveled with them for so many years. We even worked out the detail when to meet up last night. So I went and confirmed my vacation and detail of the plan today. I even checked my flight and train connection. I was so excited that I didn't do much work at all today. I was busy checking schedule, emailing my friend to confirm detail, bugging my manager for more vacation. In the end, I had it all work out and just waiting for my parents to confirm on their end before I booked my ticket. When I called my mom at home, she told me she can't go anymore!!! I was so shocked to hear that. It was almost not a problem for her to take that vacation since she worked part time only these days. And my dad already had that week off. It is almost perfect plan. Except my mom said her manager asked her to work that week and she said yes. I was ...!!!! How could she bail out on me like this!!! For once I wanted to be good daughter and this is what I got!!! I can't even change my vacation cause if I don't take that week, I won't have anything till end of October and it would be too cold to go anywhere. After making fun of my friend who got ditched by her mom on Mother's Day for sooo long, I can't believe same faith happened on me.

Behave

Sometimes I really don't know how to behave as a Christian. Should I just don't do anything fun? Cause they may be sinful? A friend from church watched the movie The 40 Years Old Virgin and she said it was pretty funny but not suitable for everybody. I told her I have very high tolerant and I probably will find it funny as well. But they also said our pastor may not recommend we watching it because of some of the jokes. Does it mean I shouldn't watch it as well? Even if I don't find the joke offending? Exactly how should I behave as Christian? All uptight and conservative? In my friend's wedding, he put me at one of the rowdier table. I sure had fun that night cause my friends and I went crazy and making so much noise. After that, I wonder if I suit for what called a Christian behavior. It is in the bible that our behavior should glorify God, but what is that say about day to day behavior? What am I supposed to do or not to do? Am I not supposed to joke around? A friend told me that Catholics has a book of accepted behavior. It is a guideline what is allowed or not. May be it is easier to be a Catholics than a Christian. At least I know what is expected from me officially, instead of varying between people.

Love Is...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

I am sure a lot of us see this passage before. This is probably the most used passage in a wedding. We talked about church unity today at service. And I was reminded of this passage. This year my fellowship's theme is also love. As this year's leader said, it is easy to love people you like, but hard to love people you don't exactly like. I am always confused on this idea. I could retain the socialize friendly politeness with everybody, but do I really have to love everybody. What is love anyway for everybody? If I say I don't dislike some people, or find some people hard to connect, I would be lying. And if I say I care about everybody, I would be lying too. Some people I just rather not have much interaction with, not that I hate the people, but why force myself to socialize. That is something I would have to do at work if I need to work with people I don't like to stay professional. Do I have to do that after work too? I know I should learn to love everybody as it is God's command to love one another. Does it mean I have to really force myself to bond with everyone? Sound like a lot of tiring effort. Can't we just leave it as if I don't hate the person, I "love" the person? Where can I find such passion for everybody? I know I hold my closer friends more dear to my heart. How can I do that for other people?

Hurricane

I was away the weekend when Katrina hit New Orlean. I vaguely know the impact was huge and thousands of people died, but somehow, I can't feel anything. I felt so distant about the whole incident. Unlike the tsunami happened in Asia last year, I don't even want to read the news about it. Last time I was watching CNN the whole time to find out more details, but this time, I didn't pay attention much even when it showed on TV. I don't understand why I am so cold hearted. May be because it was US. It was supposed to be economically stable enough to take care of themselves. US was the country who gave billions dollar to Asia last year for tsunami. Why would they need other country's help for some small flood? I talked to some friends and they sort of feel the same way. If it happen in some third world country, we would feel more passionate about the situation, but US, nah. Come to think about it, I don't feel much when I heard about war in Iraq too. I am getting used to people dying over there. I know it is a bad thing but I don't know how to tell myself to feel. I am scared may be one day someone die in front of me and I wouldn't care at all. I wonder would that day ever come.

Camping Again?!

Out of town for two weekends in a row made my house a mess. My unpacked luggage is lying everywhere. So I decided to deny my friend's invitation to go camping this weekend and cleaned up my house instead. Besides, I had a wedding to go to on Monday anyway. I may as well take some time to rest. When a friend from church invited the girls to stay over at her place last night, I wasn't very keen cause I kind of miss my bed from the previous weekend. And I was kind of sick of packing again anyway so I decided to just go hang out and go home afterward. But poor me, in the end got cornered and forced to stay overnight unprepared, no sleeping bag, no change of clothes, no nothing. Well, only thing I really need is to take off my contact lens and my friend did have solution to spare me. And she lent me her sleeping bag and pajama. So I end up camping in her house. It wasn't too bad cause I would just go home to fix up myself the next day. Four of us chatted till very late. I don't even know what time it was when I passed out. I always enjoy a good conversation and it sure was fun, despite the last min camping experience.

Bad Typo!

It was indeed another bad day at work for me. A hotfix was supposed to release Monday and it kept slipping and slipping and finally yesterday QA found out that it didn't install on one of the setup at all. I was so frustrated when I heard that. How could they find this out right before we were going to release? But then, the more urgent thing was to fix up the problem. So I found a quick solution last night and hope that it would work fine this morning. But nope, it still didn't install. Since one of the more annoying customers was waiting on this hotfix, support gave us extra pressure on this. But there was only so fast I could work. Good that support didn't bug me, but went bug my manager (and he was not happy at all getting a call every 15 minutes asking for an update, my update was, I am still working on it!!!) I am not very familiar with that part of code and since we are so lack of documentation, it was even harder for me to work on it. I finally got a solution after lunch. So I immediately told release engineer to do a build (which take another freaking 3 hours) I was keeping my finger crossed that it would work. But, but, strike 3 for me! It still didn't work. I was so mad and was so upset. I didn't understand how it would not work. I clearly checked everything carefully. I couldn't test it because it would take me awhile to set up to test. And I didn't even know how to set up. But I was pretty sure I checked my logic correctly. I so wanted to just leave the mess and never come back. Finally, I found a way to let me test the changes. I started playing around and testing which part of my changes failed. In the end, I found out that the installer couldn't detect what type of installation it is and that is why it failed. But...but...that part of code has been around forever and it SHOULD work. So I started staring at the code and suddenly, something jumped out. Someone had a typo in the code. The way we checked the type of set up the installation was to open up a configuration file and looked for the word "cluster". But the code check if we can find the word "cluser". It is missing a "T"! I couldn't believe no one ever use that part of the code!!! It has been there for ages. I couldn't believe I had such bad luck!!

Suicidal Attempt

I ran into my friend while driving to work today. It was very unusual for me to run into people like that. I was driving along Marine Drive at my usual time to go to work (well, that mean I was late again) When I passed Fraser, I saw my friend waiting beside a bus station. I was msning with my friend last night and she said she needed to go to work early. I thought, geez, going to work after 10 was so not early. So I called my friend to tease her about it. She answered and said she just had a car accident and if it was okay for me to drive her to work. I was like..no wonder she was waiting at a bus stop that was not closed to her usual route. Apparently when she was parking her car at work, she was absent minded and stepped on the wrong pedal. Instead of backing up, she went straight ahead and fell down a slope in front of her and crashed into an unused railway. She is physically fine, just a bit startled. But her front bumper fell out. It almost sound like she was trying to suicide but not very successful. Since she was okay, I started laughing at her. She even needed to call a cop cause her car may stuck and the tow truck won't able to get her car out. Of course I run late at work. My manager teased me about it. I have to explain but it almost sound like I made this story up. But it is true! My friend did stupid enough to do that!

Burnt Bun = Me!

After my long weekend, I finally got back to work today. When I run into my coworker, first thing he said was, "wiw, you look like you got some sun this weekend." I was like, "no way, you serious? A@#*$(@#*%)@#*" Given that I already a bit dark to start with, I am sure I must be burnt now. My coworker said, "no no no, it was good, you look healthy." I almost start crying. I know I probably would catch some sun on the weekend, but I already extra careful and pile on sunscreen like crazy. I thought I didn't get that dark. Don't get me wrong. I love having tanned skin. But I also have horrible experience attending wedding and I am the darkest asian girl. I look like Philipino at my friend's wedding. I didn't know I was that dark until I stood next to a group of "white" asian girls. While putting on make up make the other girls look extra white, I look like a mossed chocolate. All my friends laughed after looking at the pictures. They said I definitely look like a slave. It was a tramatized experience. I tried to not repeat it again. This year, I thought I was pretty good. Since I sprained my ankle, I can't play any tournament. So I wasn't in the sun that long most of the time. I guess I am an easy to get tanned person. May be I should buy those asian visor to block the sun. Or carry an umbrella. Errrrrr....

Kayaking

Went on a kayak trip with some friends on the weekend. It is the first time I went on kayak camp so I was a bit nervous. I don't even know how to pack. The capsize practice made me feel a bit better cause I know what to expect in case a kayak flipped. But I still not keen on falling into cold sea water. The first day was a bit windy. So the water is a bit rough. I must look pretty worried so my friend put me in a bigger kayak. So it was pretty stable, though it took more work to move the kayak. But I sure don't mind. I always have a feeling that I don't do much paddling. It was the guy at the back who do all the work. I just sat there and pretend I am paddling as well. Since I don't know what to expect from the trip, I thought it would be like backcountry camping. We would paddle to some island with nothing on it and camp there. Apparently I was wrong. The campsite we went to is pretty develop. Well, at least it has fresh water and a toilet (come on, of course not a flush toilet). But having fresh water is already out of our expectation. Only thing we worry about is water supply on kayak trip and half of our gear is water tank. Another thing I worried about is I have to hold my bladder for 6 hours. I thought we would paddle for so long that my bladder would explode. Worried about going washroom, I may end up dehydrating myself or having a sun stroke. Good that we usually paddle for 2-3 hours and we would land on and island. I just had to make sure I don't dehydrate myself. This time I don't need to share tent with anyone. It was awesome. I could roll around without worrying waking up people. I can throw all my stuff around and as messy in the tent as I want. I sure had fun this trip.

Fooooooood~~~~~

Other than work is sucky as usual, today is definitely a good day for my stomach. I started off wanting to eat scone for breakfast. So I woke up extra early to go to a bakery around Kitsilano to pick up a scone. Though I was super hungry, I resisted to pick up the crappy muffin from Starbucks. When I finally arrived at the bakery, I found out they have waffle with different filling. There are apple custard, peach and cream and some other I forgot. I stood there for a long time, stared at the waffle, drooling all over them, and tortured between getting a waffle or scone. When I finally decided to get a waffle, then I have hard time deciding to get apple custard or peach and cream. I bet I must have stood there for 15 minute trying to decide my breakfast. When I finally got my apple custard waffle, it was soooooo goooood. It tasted almost like an apple pie but with waffle as the cover. It is not very sweet but nice. And it is warm. I was happily fed and went to work. Then, we went for lunch at a Hainanese chicken place. This is the place I always went to with my friend when we were in university. I came by the other day and saw the sign that they are closing down the end of this month. So I gather a group today to go there for one last time. Before I sat down, I already know I want to order laksa. It is the only place that I know that used two kind of noodles. I am disappointed that they are closing down. I don't know where else I could find such laksa. But I sure enjoy my lunch. My stomach is so happy that work doesn't seem as bad after.

Fliperty Flip Flip

My friend forced me to go to a capsize practice tonight because of this weekend. We are going kayaking and camping. He wanted to make sure in case my kayak flip, I know what to do. At least I won't panic. I was really not keen on doing this. During all these times I kayak, I basically make sure I won't flip. Now I have to purposedly throw myself into water. That idea somehow doesn't sound very appealing to me. Not to mention I wear contact lens, so I really really really don't like being in water. And Vancouver doesn't have the warmest water to swim in. I was freezing cold last time even in wet suit once. And the idea of being upside down and stuck with the kayak and not able to breath hit the claustrophobia side of me. I almost suffocated from that idea. When it was my turn to practice, I really really want to run away. I know my friend won't force me to get into water (or they could and I will for sure cry) I could feel my body shivering too. In the end, I figure I have to give it a try. So I won't panic when it happened. I must look very worried cause my friends all watching me very closely. I tried to tip my kayak and practiced how to regain balance. When I was least expected, I flipped and fall into the water. I immediately flow out of kayak and my head was out of water. The water was a bit cold but not too bad. But I did have a bit of shock. I even yelled at my friend for talking too much besides me. He could tell I was not impressed swimming in the cold water (oops....I don't remember this happen, he must be dreaming) When I tried to get back on the kayak, it took me several tries to get it. I kept losing balance and almost flipped again. In the end, I did get back to it successfully. The whole flipping was actually kind of fun. Seem like I was always scared by my imagination.

Conflict

A friend just had his stag last weekend. The one that I got invitation to but I couldn't make it because I went away. My friend told me he was very uptight about this whole thing because of his religion. He was afraid the guys may go overboard and it would be against his religious belief. When I organized my friend's stagette, it never cross my mind about it may cross the line. We tried to make sure we plan something that would embarrass the bride-to-be, but she wouldn't be mad and walk away. We still want her to have fun that night. I never even thought about whether my behaviour was appropriate or not. I guess back then it wasn't big issue for me cause I was only a seeker. But even if I think back, if my friend getting married now, I think I would still do her stagette the same way. Some of the girls who were there did mention they didn't behave as Christian. I don't exactly know what is wrong. I guess we shouldn't get drunk. But I didn't exactly got drunk that night. I did get hyper and good buzz. May be we shouldn't be going all wild? But what we plan for her wasn't involved any touching of any kind (cause we were scared that her husband will kill us if find out). We even made sure what she was wearing covered up enough skin (again, don't want to get killed) I don't know how to behave is appropriate as Christian. Does it mean we shouldn't have fun? We should all be uptight and do nothing except bible studying? Are all the rules really from the bible or from us? I am lost now.

Naramata

I think I may start to like Okanagan area. Both trips I went this year were extremely fun. I once again had an awesome trip this time. I actually have pretty high expectation on this trip because I really want to get away. And what could be better than enjoying yourself in the sun and getting wasted? It turned out to be super fun too, though none of us really got drunk. We did go to a bunch of wineries in Naramata area. Problem with impulsive friends, we end up having 5 boxes of wines between 3 of us. Don't even ask how much I spend. So I guess for the next while, all my friends' birthdays, weddings, house warming, dinner party, I am definitely bringing wine as gifts. We were very careful about driving and wine tasting. We thought about walking from winery to winery, but turned out the distance between is pretty far. We wanted to rent a bike, but the only bike store closed down awhile ago. So in the end, we decided to take turn and drive around. But we did pace ourselves to take only sip instead of finishing up the whole glass (I know, I know, wasting free wine! but...I don't want to be drunk and drive) It is always good to travel with friends who liked to eat and would eat a lot. I always don't like eating with people who would get full after two bites, cause it makes me look like a pig. Good that my friends who went this time all like to eat. First day we planned to have a picnic on the beach, so we went pick up a whole bunch of grocery. We went to a farmer market and grabbed some apples and some tzatziki. We then went to the bakery and cheese store recommended by people to pick up bread and pie and cheese. But since we had big breakfast from the place we stayed at, we were not hungry till late. So instead, we had that as dinner at the b&b place instead. Life couldn't be better. The next day, since we were full at breakfast again, my friend and I just had a cheese platter at one of the wineries we visited as snack. Mmmmm...wine and cheese, I don't know if I want to leave the place at all. Even the ride back to Vancouver was nice. My friend and I chatted the whole way. I don't even know I could talk the long. We talked about anything, friends, view on different things, personal lives, it was definitely good bonding. I got to know my friend so much better. I always enjoy a good conversation and it is definitely good way to end my weekend.

Temptation

Talked about temptation and avoiding opposite sex friends. I am going away this weekend to Kelowna with some friends, a guy and a girl. The guy is engaged to another girl who bailed on us last minute. I was all excited about going away (because work sucks! and I need to be away) and I am sure it would be super fun. The plan was to visit a whole bunch of wineries and get drunk. It never really occur to me that may be inappropriate till today. I was talking to some friends from work and when they found out that I am going with an engaged guy and his fiancee is not even coming, they all asked how come she is fine with it. And I still think why not. There is nothing going on between us. I am pretty sure we are like brothers (yes, brothers, not brother/sister). Then later tonight, when I met up with the guy for drink, he told me his fiancee asked where we stayed. The place we stayed at is called Simple Pleasure. I know, I know, it raised more suspicion, but none of us really pay attention to the name. We are simply innocently looking for a cheap b&b place! So his fiancee said (I hope jokingly) so he is going away with two single girls for a weekend, getting wasted and stayed at a place called Simple Pleasure. It was then I start worried if she is upset about this whole trip. I remember another friend once told me his girlfriend won't let him go on trip with another girl alone, not even me who is again like a brother to him. I wonder if my friend's fiancee is okay with this. I sure hope so.

Throw Them Out!

A friend said that he needs to keep distance with his female friends after wedding because of temptation. It is better to avoid temptation than be tempted. A bunch of us gave him hard time on that sucky idea. What kind of loser is that dumping his friends! And he even plan to slave us at his wedding. So the basic plan must be we are his slaves for the day, and when 12 o'clock hit, boom, we are strangers to him. If it is me, I would be so screwed if I need to dump my male friends after I am married. Half of my friends are guys. The people I hang out with at work are all guys. If I am not allowed to be friend with them after, I will go crazy!! I will have to work all day and no joking around at all(and I already work the whole day!!!) None of the guys at work really treat me as girl anyway. I even got invitation to a stag. Some guys at work are planning a stag for one of the friends and they keep saying I should totally join. Too bad I am going to be away this weekend. Or I would. That would be funny. Another friend said that is the first time she heard about a girl got invited to a stag. The soon-to-be-married guy was hoping that having a girl show up would make the stag more tamed. I told another friend that and he said he won't want me at his stag. I would for sure come up with all the crazy idea to torture him. I don't know why the other friend think having me would make his stag less wild.

Heart Attack

Today was not a good day. I think I almost die of heart attack. QA found some problem with the new build they were testing the hotfix. When they told me yesterday, I thought the developer already start looking into it so I didn't follow up much. But I sent an email at the end of the day asking for an estimate when would it be finish. This morning, I got a reply saying he can't work on it because he is busy on something else. And that is a priority on his list. (My mind was like what the @#*$(@#%@#*9, why didn't you tell me earlier?!) I start panicking cause there is not much people can work on it. So I replied asking if he could suggest someone else. I know two other people who may know how to do this. I asked one of them but the person refused to work on older code (again, my mind start exploding and @#$*(@#%@#*$*) I came down to my last resource, but I know that developer has been working on some other stuff last week and delayed the existing schedule. I am not sure I could steal more of the developer's time this week. That person first replied was what I expected, can't work on it because of the delayed schedule. I really run out of people that I could get them to work on the issue. I thought about bringing it to the VP and see what he said about priority. If he said it is okay to delay my project, I don't care then. But I want to work out something among developers first. So I talked to one of the managers and see if I could borrow the first developer, but the manager said no. Another developer who knows a bit of that part of the code agreed to take a look at the issue. I told him to ask the other two people and worked with them if he was not clear on the issue. In the end, another manager agreed to let me lend the third developer for the next few days to fix the issue. I was sooo sooo soooo relieved when I heard that. I almost die of heart attack when everybody refused to work on it. It is not like I could push the project later because there are customers waiting for it. This is so not a good day for me.

Insomnia

It is another day I woke up at 2am. After sleeping two hours, I was wide awake for no reason. My body was actually really tired still. But I just couldn't go back to sleep. I didn't exactly wake up for no reason. I woke up with a plan on some problem I run into last week on how to get extra QA time. Some high profile customer run into problem that support want a fix real soon. I can't get my friend to squeeze more QA to test. Worst come to worst, we have to delay some projects. I don't know how upper management would feel if we push back the project. Urgh! Why isn't my manager around when decision needs to be made!!! But I was sooo pissed when I woke up. I can't believe I dreamt of a plan and woke myself up. I was sooo physically tired from the move and yet, stupid insomnia. Last Friday was another day I woke up at 2am and struggled for awhile and decided to go to work early. Everybody was shocked to see me at work before them (and I end up leaving after them too) I was all cranky that day. Today, though I was physically tired, it wasn't too bad for me. I don't remember if I fall back to sleep. But I know I refuse to get up at 2am. That is way way way too early to get any coffee. Now I know why my manager could reply email no matter what time. His job is crazy stressful. When I woke up with a plan, I know I am getting too stress out. I can't wait till weekend so I could go away (and manager is back).

Free Slaves

I helped a friend move today. He bought a place recently and chose today to move. I told him I could help but a small Asian girl can't carry much stuff (Hey, I am small compared to all his other friends!) I could be there and yell at people. He said I could help him babysit while they moving. Of course, at the end I got slaved to carry boxes as well. In fact, I drove his fish tank down to his new place. Though it is heavy, it still slide sideway when I turned. My friend already warned me about not accelerate too fast. In the end, I drove slower and slower because I was scared that his fish tank will fly out of my car and attacked the car behind me. I became a real Richmond driver, driving like 50km/h. But at least I got it to his house safely. I can't believe how much crap one person can have. I thought when I showed up to help, they would have almost done. But he actually able to accumulate craps that filled up two full loads of truck. I actually need to help load and unload the truck. I met his mother-in-law yesterday. I saw her at his wedding but I don't think she remember much of me. She was there to babysit his daugher yesterday. She told me something interesting. She came over and chatted with me. She asked if I am Vivian and I told her I am. She said she heard so much about me and I gave her my usual unimpressed look wondering if that is good or bad thing. She said oh no, it is a good thing, he has a soft spot for me. I was sooo touched (and kind of embarrassed) when I heard that. My friend isn't exactly the friendliest person and yet I know he like me (and I always take full advantage of that and totally abuse it) But hearing that from another person make me really happy. Wonder if he purposedly get her to tell me to slave me for free??!!

Hiking

I went hiking with some friends today. As usual, I wasn't sure I want to bail out last minute cause it sound like a lot of people going. And I was extremely tired from last week at work. All I can think of is to rest, sleep and rest. But then, in the end, I could kick myself out of my bed and decided to go anyway. I kind of want to wear shorts but my friend who organized said the hike has lots of mosquitoes. My last horrified experience of mosquitoes in wild is that you can't see anything. All you can see is clouds and clouds of black things. So I were very scared what he meant by lots. I decided to wear my jeans. Besides, it was a short leisure hike anyway. Worst case I would be so hot. I could lose some weigh from my legs anyway. I thought about wearing long sleeves as well. But I was scared I may die of heat stoke. Turned out that it actually not too bad. There were mosquito, but not swamp and swamp all over us. I forgot how much work on ankle when you go hiking. I forgot that you could go downhill and it would quite stress out the ankle. I thought it was a leisure walk so it should be rather flat. I didn't tape up my ankle at all. I didn't hurt myself, but I walked very slow because I was scared I would sit out another 7 weeks. And the fact that my left ankle was a bit sore from Thursday game doesn't help either. I didn't walk very stable. Guess I shouldn't go hiking for another couple weeks. Or at least I should really go get a pair hiking boots so I can be sure about ankle support.

Another Me

I really wish I am the monkey from the Chinese novel Journey to the West. If you haven't heard of it, may be you watched the movie A Chinese Odyssey before. The main character is a monkey who knew a lot of tricks. One of the trick was that he pulled out one of his hair, blew into it, and boom, he created another him. Lately, I really need to create another me to finish all the work on hand. Since my slacker manager went on vacation, I not only need to finish my own work, and now I need to sit in for him for all the meetings he goes as well. Those meetings usually take up my whole day. And the time between my meetings, I usually need to catch up with the emails. I don't have time to work on my own things till after hour when nobody wants to talk to me. I end up staying late to do my own work. I promised tech comm that I would have something for them early this week, and I still haven't had time to do it. Now I know why my manager is always grumpy. No one can really do 12 hours day everyday. I got all stressed out this week already. I don't know how he can handle so many projects at the same time. Another friend already helped me with some of the projects. If he doesn't come back soon, I think I will become just like him, all grumpy and old.

Assassin

If anything happened to me next two weeks, I must be murdered by some QA manager that I worked closely with. If it is not done by him personally, he must have hired a hitman or one of his coops to do so. Please make sure to report to police so that justice is served. Yes, second day into my boss-less day and I screwed up again. My friend even put up a score broad to keep track of my screw up record. So far, I have 4 (though I think the last point is unfair!!! and they are not willing to remove each time I didn't screw up!!! ) I promised support that we could deliver something end of Monday. And again forgot to consult with QA (well...he left earlier than me.....not ...exactly..my...fault..) and forgot to mention to him (well...after a weekend, who would remember what we said!) Of course when he found out, he wasn't happy at all. But he figure since I screwed up, all they could do is minimal testing and it is my call to accept the risk or not. Till the end of the day, QA didn't have a chance to finish up what they want to test. Though I think the fix is relative safe, I don't want an angry customer to blow up more. I checked with support and found out the customer won't apply the fix till September (Why on earth say Monday then! ) Of course I run for my life after hearing that. My friend warned me I am not allowed to promise anything without talking to him (How would I know it takes 2 days to test a simple fix! ) So today, I forward him email whenever I heard slight chance to have a hotfix. I started my msn message to him with "Now breathe deeply and don't scream" (and of course he freaked out even more upon hearing that) I think if my manager is not coming back soon, he may die of heart attack.

Coffee Addict

Once again I got criticized of my addiction of coffee today. I got up a bit late and didn't have time to pick up coffee before going to church. So my energy level is very low. My social level is pretty low as well. My friends started to criticize me about my dependency on coffee, saying that this is bad for me. See, they never went to school with me. They don't understand how bad I would be without coffee. I can barely function. There was one day my friend and I were late for school so we had to skip my coffee stop. That whole day, I basically just moved my body from classroom to classroom. I found a seat, sat down and started sleeping thru the class. Then woke up, walked to next classroom, sat down and slept again. After that day, my friend always made sure we made my coffee stop no matter how late we were. Even when we went on trip, they always made sure I had my coffee. Last time when I drove to Tofino, they saw how "safe" I drove before coffee. They quickly found me a starbucks to make sure they could stay alive. I did try to quit before. Before I moved out, I tried to save money and did try to quit coffee for awhile. But it was so hard for me to get over the day. After several months, I gave up. I know it is probably more a metal addiction than a physical one. But hey, coffee is not that bad anyway. Even medical report said it is fine to drink certain amount of coffee each day. And coffee makes me a nicer person (I am all cranky without one) and function more normal. It is not like I would die from drinking it. I say I should be nice to myself and give myself a little treat to start my day.

Salon

I finally had my hair cut today. It has been quite awhile that I wanted to cut it already. I finally finish all my bridesmaid duty and I won't have another one for quite some time. I guess no one really care if I have my hair short. The length has been annoyed me for quite awhile. When I play ultimate, it is all over my face. I didn't cut it too short cause I know I look weird. But at least somewhat shorter than the usual so my head definitely feel lighter. Probably save some shampoo and conditioner too. My mom always complain I used up too much shampoo. I have been going to this new place that the stylist can finish cutting in 40 minutes. I always not sure about her being this quick. I felt somewhat getting rip off. Usually it would take at least an hour for other stylist to cut my hair. The one I used to go to when I was a kid took at least 1.5 hour to trim my hair. You could say this girl is efficient. It is not like I like sitting there for 3 hours to get my hair done anyway. Not like she mess up my hair with that speed, but it sure feels weird when I can get out the salon within an hour.

Working During Vacation

One customer is doing upgrade this weekend. And they have been encountering problem so far. So we need people to be on call this weekend. And I am one of them. Though it suck to work on weekend but I didn't plan much this weekend anyway. It is either me or another friend. And since he will be moving next weekend, I am sure he would want to pack. Funny thing is we need soooo many people to stand by in case of problem. We need some senior developers who would possibly know more about different area of the code. We need two people to prepare the hotfix. So this weekend we have 5 people on call from the development side, not counting QA. When I was in my old team, it is either me or my friend stay on call. Only one of us is enough to fix the problem, prepare the hotfix, and do the build. It felt such a waste of resource nowaday. As for QA, it is once again my friend being the sucker to be on call. It is especially bad for him because it is his birthday this weekend. He wasn't happy at all. I asked him if I called him to work on his birthday, does it mean I can't be bitter about him calling me back on Christmas few years ago anymore? There was one Christmas he was testing something that I did and he found something wrong. So I end up working during my Christmas vacation. And I still remind him from time to time that he ruined my vacation. I came to a conclusion that as long as it is not me calling him this weekend, I could still stay bitter at him as long as I want.

Recruit

My ultimate team tried to field a team for the fall league. And once again, we are low on girls. We only have 3 committed girls so far and we probably need way more than 3. We have 10 girls registered in my team's summer roster but we still panicked for not having enough girls every game. I sent an email to my cell group. As usual, I got tons of responses from guys being interested but not enough girls. I really don't understand why. Do girls in general just don't like sport? Or the fact that they may need to play in the rain really turned them off? Even if we have girls showing interest, we never know how committed they could be. I talked with my captain and said we should really make the guys in our team forced their girlfriends and wives to play. Like going to a "bring your own beer" party. It is "bring your own girl" team. That way, we for sure will have enough girls. I know some other team will only take a new guy if they come with a girl. My captain was saying we should do that too. If you want to join to the team, you have to team up with a girl. Yes, we are a sexist team.

Lunch Date

It is the x-th times me and my friend trying to schedule to have lunch together. It must have been like 2 months now. Each week something come up and we have to change our plan. We were hoping we could have some time to chat alone. A lot has happened lately so we want to catch up. And his birthday is coming up so I do owe him a lunch. Dinner is out of question because he barely has enough time for his fiancee. I don't think she likes me occupy more of his time after work. There was one week we could almost make it, but someone figured he was free during lunch and scheduled a meeting there. We finally decided yesterday that we would schedule a lunch meeting so no one can schedule anything in our calendar. I seriously sent him a meeting request to keep our calendar occupied. But then when I went downstairs to grab him to go for lunch today, my manager and his manager decided to grab us both to lunch. We can't really say no. So we have to reschedule our lunch plan again. I was afraid if we don't have lunch this week, we may not able to schedule anything for another month. Because my manager is away next two weeks and I will be swamped with work and I don't even know if I could take lunch at all.

Sermon

The service I went this Sunday was very inspiring for me. I was struggling spiritually for quite awhile. I don't know if I can carry on anymore. More I think about it, more I felt suffocated from everything. I even talked to my pastor about it. I told him I don't know how much longer I could hold on without quitting. But this weekend service really touched me. The worship team in the Kelowna church consisted of people of different ages. There is an old man playing violin and some young adults playing guitar. Even a little kid playing guitar among them. They reminded me though we are all different, we all have one purpose: to serve God. It doesn't matter if we have different opinion or personality. We are all here to serve God. Our focus should be on Him. I lost my focus on people and got myself very frustrated. Seeing the worship team worked together helped me refocus. The sermon talked about brotherly love. They showed a video on how a dad and his son worked together on running marathon and triathlon. The son was a handicapped and he can't move by himself. The dad was never a runner. But together, they accomplish a lot. At the end of the sermon, we sang "Lean on Me". I couldn't help that my tear started coming out. I remembered my friends were always there when I need them. It was God's grace to put them in my life. I can't help but only be thankful for everything He did for me. After this trip, may be I could go on longer.


Bill Withers - Lean on Me Lyrics

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Long Weekend

It was a super fun long weekend for me. I guess my theory is right. When you have no expectation, the outcome is always good. I was totally preparing to be anti-social this weekend. I know people planned hard on the itinerary, but I was in the anti-social mood that I was planning to spend some quality time with myself on the beach. The group of 20 somewhat people made me feel very intimate and I am not that closed to some of them. I decided to play safe and be anti-social. But it turned out to be super fun. The first day was mostly getting there and went to some winery for wine tasting. When we went to dinner in Milestones, some customers were overwhelmed by 20 somewhat Asian showing up and asked where we from. Somehow we think they are kind of disappointed when we said Vancouver and not some place exotic. The next day we swamped a church for Sunday service. It was an awesome service. It reminds me a lot of thing and really speaks to me. We then went to the beach to hang out. Originally it was supposed to be just a couple of us girls who wanted to go sun tanning. But I guess the weather was too hot so everybody decided to come with us. The water is super warm (well, compared to Vancouver water) and clean. I swam a bit and found out that my ankle still not happy with me. Then, a friend got a football and a group of us played monkey in the water. It was pretty fun. The monkeys would attack and splash water to try to stop people from throwing/catching the football. Some girls even use finger nails to scratch their opponent. That night we did an Iron Chef competition as dinner. It was guys vs girls. The secret ingredient is corn. Of course the girls win (and I was one of the main cooks!) After dinner, we girls went back to our place. Some of us decided to chill and hang out in the living room. We were goofing around and making fun of each other. Couple drinks later, we were getting louder and rowdier. We got so out of control that we started opening one of the guys' wine (it was their fault storing it in the girls' place!) We started working on our story if he found out. I was so drunk that I don't know what time I went to bed. Actually, I was never in bed. I passed out on the couch. Not sure if it was hung over or lack of sleep, we are all pretty dead the day after. But we were also still a bit hyper (possibly still drunk cause it wasn't too long ago when we drank) We kept on fooling around when we drove home. Though I was very tired, it sure was a good trip.