Dragged

Never felt more dragged to go to church than today. I actually made up my mind to skip last night. I stayed up kind of late and there was no way I could wake up that early. But as usual, my body obeyed Muphy's Law well, and I end up opening my eyes right on time. I struggled awhile on my way to church. But even during the drive, I was still struggling whether I wanted to go. I don't know if I can go worship when my heart had burden like this. In a place where I should find joy and peace, I feel that I find more struggle than other places. A friend signed me up for worship drama. Though I was never keen on doing it, I never really say no. Now come to think about it, I don't want to get too involved. What if I won't stay? What if I find Christianity in the end is not my thing? What if I don't want to stay in this church? Having more strings attached mean it would be harder for me to leave. More I think about during my drive, the more I want to resist to go. I know that the only reason I kept on driving is that today is birthday of a friend from church and she has been very caring person. I wanted to be there for her. That is. Finally, I arrived and was actually sort of on time (only 2 minute late! it is a record!) The sermon talked about Satan always attacked your weakest point. And you will find that your weakest point is always the same. May be that is why I don't want to go to church this morning. My burden make me feel like running away. I wonder how long it will take for me to release myself from it.