I didn't go to church again today. It was two weeks in a row. I wonder if people would notice if I keep not showing up. Or I could slowly fade away without anyone noticing. I did have an "excuse". My friend leaving town today and I "had to" drive her and her husband to airport. I am not sure I am having my spiritual low or what. I just don't feel enthusiastic about church at all. I didn't even touch my bible for quite awhile. I told my friends I am having my doubts. I know I believe and I still do. But some value that I have is contradict to what church holds. Like, same sex marriage. My personal value, I think I care less. It is a personal choice and we can't force our value upon people. I do have friends that are gay and if they find their partner, I am happy for them. Now I feel even if I say congrats to them is doing wrong things. I just don't know. Another struggle I had is I don't know how to trust people. Being Christian mean you should learn to love everybody but I know I don't. So I have to "try to learn" to love people even though I may not like them. I am not sure if I should say I am "trying" hard or being fake. I feel I am not at ease or as myself anymore. I am socializing. If other people hang out with me, I know they like me and want to spend time with me. I sometimes wonder if my friends from church, when we hang out, do we like each other really? Or just "trying". Is that even a friendship if everything is just surface and shaky? I don't know.
Sunday, July 03, 2005
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I didn't go to church again today. It was two weeks in a row. I wonder if people would notice if I keep not showing up. Or I could slowly fade away without anyone noticing. I did have an "excuse". My friend leaving town today and I "had to" drive her and her husband to airport. I am not sure I am having my spiritual low or what. I just don't feel enthusiastic about church at all. I didn't even touch my bible for quite awhile. I told my friends I am having my doubts. I know I believe and I still do. But some value that I have is contradict to what church holds. Like, same sex marriage. My personal value, I think I care less. It is a personal choice and we can't force our value upon people. I do have friends that are gay and if they find their partner, I am happy for them. Now I feel even if I say congrats to them is doing wrong things. I just don't know. Another struggle I had is I don't know how to trust people. Being Christian mean you should learn to love everybody but I know I don't. So I have to "try to learn" to love people even though I may not like them. I am not sure if I should say I am "trying" hard or being fake. I feel I am not at ease or as myself anymore. I am socializing. If other people hang out with me, I know they like me and want to spend time with me. I sometimes wonder if my friends from church, when we hang out, do we like each other really? Or just "trying". Is that even a friendship if everything is just surface and shaky? I don't know.
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3 comments:
What is love? What does loving everybody mean? Can you love somebody you don't like?
Did Jesus like everybody he see in his life? Did He love everybody he see in his life?
Picture a person that you hate. If you are holding a switch and by pushing the switch that person will disappear from this world forever. Will you push the button?
I think as long as we love the holy God, everything else comes in natural. I love what I love, I hate what I hate. I don't love what I hate, and don't hate what I love.
With my limited knowledge, I think Jesus loves all ppl, but hates Satan.
hey binary, what colour is the button? I probably wouldn't push it if it was a red button. red's scary.
jesus doesn't hate satan. I saw them hanging at the mall together.
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